Corrupt My Wish

[tallman]

Granted, but now you live in Antarctica.

 

I wish I had a piping hot real Brooklyn pizza in front of me to eat.

 

 

Granted.

And it looks really good through the glass window in the Visitor's room at the prison you find yourself in for excessive speeding.

 

 

Now, I wish that football season wasn't almost over.

[Mr_Ed]

Now, I wish that football season wasn't almost over.

 

 

Granted.... But the rest of the season has been cancelled and the Superbowl will be replaced by synchronized swimming

 

 

I wish I liked riding in cold weather a little more.

[Mister Tee]

Granted, you do. You manage to develop schizophrenia in the course of your new cold weather riding adaptation, and in a demented drug-induced state, you are caught on camera pleasuring yourself in front of a courthouse during the filming of an episode of Cops. After you serve your mandatory sentence in a Federal penitentiary (you crossed State lines to do this), you are required to register as a sex offender in your home State, and required to join a men's synchronized swimming team as part of your social rehabilitation.

 

 

I wish it would just rain here instead of being foggy all the time.

[StuGotz]

Granted, but "T" , you are committed to an insane asylum. They have wonderful drugs there to clear the fog...

 

I wish I was leaving for the UN in NH right now.

 

MB>

[Huzband]

 

I wish I was leaving for the UN in NH right now.

 

MB>

 

Granted, but you're snowed in in the Rockies till May. Oh, wait.....

 

 

I wish I were snowed in in the Rockies till May.

[ltljohn]

I wish I were snowed in in the Rockies till May.

 

Granted but you are snowed in with Cloris, Phyllis and Bea Arthur.

 

I wish I had a beer right now.

[Mister Tee]

Granted, you are. Fortunately, the Denver methadone clinic gets you past your present snow habit, and you are released in June. Unfortunately, the United States, in a concessionary agreement with Colombia, agrees to turn you over in exchange for several cocaine cartel members. Colombia rejects your on the basis of your citizenship, where you are then transferred to a Mexican prison. Viva la Viagra y petrol de vasalina, Homocaliente.

 

I wish I could get rid of this constipation.

[Matts_12GS]

I wish I could get rid of this constipation.

 

Granted, except it's via Mexican prison. Viva la Viagra y petrol de vasalina, Homocaliente.

 

I wish Danny had taken my bet on the UF/UA Game so we could have more pictures of him in a pink gator hat...

[Hoover]

Granted, but somehow the story got changed around and people got the idea it was YOUR pink gator hat.

 

I wish my wife would land a job at one of her interviews this week.

 

[Mister Tee]

Granted. Now she's self sufficient and don't need you no more.

 

 

I wish it wasn't going to be foggy with drizzle all week here. I want to ride to work without getting soaked.

[ltljohn]

I wish it wasn't going to be foggy with drizzle all week here. I want to ride to work without getting soaked.

 

Granted, it will be 20F and icy instead.

 

I wish it wasn't going to be 20F and icy here for the next week

 

 

[Huzband]

 

I wish it wasn't going to be 20F and icy here for the next week

 

 

Granted, you're on a six month cruise in The Gulf.

 

I wish I could hack my way in to Smugmug & delete all those friggin' pink hat pix.

[VinnyR11]

 

I wish I could hack my way in to Smugmug & delete all those friggin' pink hat pix.

 

Granted, except they're replaced with the ones with the sheep that you thought were deleted.

 

I wish someone would trade my 1100 for a new RT even up.

[Mister Tee]

Granted, your new RT is coming direct from the dealer's shop. They say you can probably get it to run with some work, but otherwise the damage is only cosmetic.

 

 

I wish I had a nice juicy steak right now.

[BFish]

Granted, your new RT is coming direct from the dealer's shop. They say you can probably get it to run with some work, but otherwise the damage is only cosmetic.

 

 

I wish I had a nice juicy steak right now.

 

granted, rare, 32 oz t-bone, but you were just diagnosed with a bad case of 'rhoids.

 

 

wish it wasn't going to be 80* here the next cupla days.

 

[bakerzdosen]

wish it wasn't going to be 80* here the next cupla days.

Granted. Now it's April 5th and 98° the next coupla days (not that you'll be seeing outside in that timeframe anyway though).

 

I wish my paid vacation days started tomorrow.

[Huzband]

 

I wish my paid vacation days started tomorrow.

 

Granted, but you've been let go, & it's severance pay.

 

I wish I could afford a track bike now.

[Aluminum_Butt]

I wish I could afford a track bike now.

 

Granted. But due to deflation, so can everyone else -- and the government has seen fit to put speed limits and traffic control devices in place.

 

I wish I could win a lottery big enough to walk away with >$10MM.

[Mister Tee]

Granted, you could win a lottery that big. But you don't.

 

 

I wish I had a mind control device that would allow me to be able to make anyone do whatever I wanted.

[Hoover]

Granted, but the power switch is busted an the darn thing won't turn on.

 

I wish it was 85 degrees in Colorado tomorrow with not a cloud in the sky, no rain, snow, sleet, tornadoes, just perfect weather. I would be in Colorado tomorrow as well, with the S in perfect running order, with clear mountain roads with no speed limits. I would be off work (not laid off or fired) and getting paid for it, in perfect health and the S and I would be out from morning till night which would be at least 10 hours. Every gas station I stop at will have my premium fuel waiting and will be $0.00 per gallon. When I get home my wife will be happy to see me and have a frosty mug of Dos Equis waiting on me. In addition, the bike will clean itself after the ride.

I would also like the option of this wish for the day after that too.

 

[Aluminum_Butt]

I wish I had a mind control device that would allow me to be able to make anyone do whatever I wanted.

 

Granted. But while you were busy corrupting my lottery wish, I took it from you. Now, go get me a beer.

 

I wish I had a body that made women want me.

[tallman]

Granted.

But it is because you are so ugly, you make everyone else look beautiful if they are around you.

 

I wish no one was lonely.

[SageRider]

Granted, but the power switch is busted an the darn thing won't turn on.

 

I wish it was 85 degrees in Colorado tomorrow with not a cloud in the sky, no rain, snow, sleet, tornadoes, just perfect weather. I would be in Colorado tomorrow as well, with the S in perfect running order, with clear mountain roads with no speed limits. I would be off work (not laid off or fired) and getting paid for it, in perfect health and the S and I would be out from morning till night which would be at least 10 hours. Every gas station I stop at will have my premium fuel waiting and will be $0.00 per gallon. When I get home my wife will be happy to see me and have a frosty mug of Dos Equis waiting on me. In addition, the bike will clean itself after the ride.

I would also like the option of this wish for the day after that too.

Granted, But a massive earthquake has destroyed all the roads, which is why they are all clear. They won't be repaired by tomorrow either...

 

I wish Santa Claus was real...

[BFish]

granted, but if he was the economy would be in worse shape than it is and he'd be looking for a govt bailout cause he was busted earlier in the year for using cheap, immigrant labor.

 

 

i wish harry chapin was still alive and writing songs.

[Dave McReynolds]

granted, but in a reaction to criticism that he was becomming too centrist and ignoring the progressives that put him in office, Obama appoints Chapin as the new Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service.

 

I wish I had a sixth sense that would tell me where gold nuggets were that were close to the surface and easy to find.

[Mister Tee]

Granted, your sixth sense steers you to William Glen at Town and Country, where you can easily find gold nuggets for sale at about four times their worth in gold.

 

 

I wish women would just cave in to me at will.

[BFish]

Granted, your sixth sense steers you to William Glen at Town and Country, where you can easily find gold nuggets for sale at about four times their worth in gold.

 

 

I wish women would just cave in to me at will.

 

granted, but phyllis and cloris are the only women remaining and too tired to do anything but cave in.

 

i wish it would snow in florida for christmas

 

 

 

[bakerzdosen]

Granted. Unfortunately the only way to accomplish this was to make all women morbidly obese. Now wherever you go, women's knees buckle and they collapse at the slightest gesture from you (or anyone else for that matter.)

 

I wish had the courage and skill to wheelie a motorcycle for a mile at a time without other incident.

 

Edit: MUST type faster...

[VinnyR11]

I wish had the courage and skill to wheelie a motorcycle for a mile at a time without other incident.

 

Granted, but you have forgotten how to bring the front wheel back down. The cops chase you, one wheeling the entire way, until you run out of gas.

 

I wish my Giants win by 24 over the 'Boys this Sunday night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mister Tee]

Granted, but now Jeff Gordon has been injured in his football stint and will miss the 2009 NASCAR season.

 

 

 

I wish I could pop open that bottle of tequila sitting on the shelf before quitting time.

[BFish]

Granted, your sixth sense steers you to William Glen at Town and Country, where you can easily find gold nuggets for sale at about four times their worth in gold.

 

 

I wish women would just cave in to me at will.

 

granted, but phyllis and cloris are the only women remaining and too tired to do anything but cave in.

 

i wish it would snow in florida for christmas

 

 

 

hey my wish didn't get corrupted...can't wait for the snow.!!!

[Mister Tee]

granted, but phyllis and cloris are the only women remaining and too tired to do anything but cave in.

 

i wish it would snow in florida for christmas

 

 

 

Granted. Now five species of manatees are wiped out and you get blamed for creating a worldwide environmental catastrophe.

 

 

 

I wish I rode the Suzuki to work today. I'm bored.

[tallman]

What are you complaining about, mine was before yours.

I wish some people would learn how to play the game...

[Huzband]

I wish no one was lonely.

 

 

What are you complaining about, mine was before yours.

I wish some people would learn how to play the game...

 

Granted, & granted. No one is lonely because they are all recluses, & the game they are playing is solitaire. After all, they're recluses.

 

I wish we were spending a white Christmas in the Rockies this year, as opposed to waiting till next year.

[tallman]

Granted.

You got a great deal on a Tour group headed by the Donner family.

 

 

I wish the Downtown Athletic Club would revoke the Heisman Trophy that OJ won.

[Huzband]

 

 

I wish the Downtown Athletic Club would revoke the Heisman Trophy that OJ won.

 

Granted, but while they're awarding Tebow his second trophy, they decide to save time & give him next years as well.

 

I wish Tebow had signed with Bama like he started to.

[Mister Tee]

Granted. He'll be 'Bama's secretary of defense.

 

 

I wish I had a covered parking spot for the RT here at work.

[BFish]

Granted. He'll be 'Bama's secretary of defense.

 

 

I wish I had a covered parking spot for the RT here at work.

 

granted, but an earthquake causes it to collapse crushing the RT.

 

i wish sarah palin would do a playboy gig

 

 

 

[bakerzdosen]

i wish sarah palin would do a playboy gig

Granted. She's now a "creative consultant" in charge of new talent - Alaska region.

 

I wish I had enough capital to start buying up real estate.

[Matts_12GS]

i wish sarah palin would do a playboy gig

Granted. She's now a "creative consultant" in charge of new talent - Alaska region.

 

 

I don't know but I've been told

Eskimo _____________ is mighty cold...

 

sorry, couldn't resist

[Mister Tee]

Granted. She's now a "creative consultant" in charge of new talent - Alaska region.

 

I wish I had enough capital to start buying up real estate.

 

Granted, now the Tee has it and he's buying up real estate. And you're stuck with Phyllis, Cloris and Sarah Palin.

 

 

I wish Burger King would make a low-carb hamburger like Carl's and Inn & Out.

[Huzband]

I wish Burger King would make a low-carb hamburger like Carl's and Inn & Out.

 

Granted, but now you're a vegetarian.

 

I weesh I could ride like-ah Rossi.

[SageRider]

I weesh I could ride like-ah Rossi.

Granted (even though a near duplicate... See page 1!). However it is not a motorcycle, car, or member of the human race, so no-one is quite sure what it is you are riding.

 

I wish the government could actually accomplish something positive for all with true bipartisan support!

[Huzband]

I weesh I could ride like-ah Rossi.

Granted (even though a near duplicate... See page 1!). However it is not a motorcycle, car, or member of the human race, so no-one is quite sure what it is you are riding.

 

I wish the government could actually accomplish something positive for all with true bipartisan support!

 

No, no. I bet Nate wishes he could ride like Rossi, too. And have his contract.

 

As for your wish, I can only say...

[SageRider]

I weesh I could ride like-ah Rossi.

Granted (even though a near duplicate... See page 1!). However it is not a motorcycle, car, or member of the human race, so no-one is quite sure what it is you are riding.

 

I wish the government could actually accomplish something positive for all with true bipartisan support!

 

No, no. I bet Nate wishes he could ride like Rossi, too. And have his contract.

 

As for your wish, I can only say...

I wasn't referring to the Nate post...keep looking!

(and my wish does refer to the government of the USA!)

[Kitsap]

 

(and my wish does refer to the government of the USA!)

 

Granted, but it's a bridge to Hawaii with no rest stops.

 

I wish I had tickets to The Vancouver Olympics Opening Ceremony.

[Huzband]

I wish I had tickets to The Vancouver Olympics Opening Ceremony.

 

Granted, but thanks to (scam) global warming, everyone's iced out.

 

I wish the Olympics were what they were when they were started.

[bakerzdosen]

I wish the Olympics were what they were when they were started.

Granted, but now with the rules only allowing naked males to compete, no one wants to, so they're a flop (pun intended).

 

I wish I'd sold our house and rented for the past year.

[BFish]

I wish the Olympics were what they were when they were started.

Granted, but now with the rules only allowing naked males to compete, no one wants to, so they're a flop (pun intended).

 

I wish I'd sold our house and rented for the past year.

 

granted, but you lost all the proceeds in the stock market, the rental burned down and you never had renters insurance.

 

i wish you happy holidays and a prosperous new year.

[tallman]

Granted.

But everyone is so prosperous you have to work all the time and never get to ride.

I wish we knew what came first, the chicken or the egg...