bendbill Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2024 Super Bowl, 50-yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Sheila she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress....... 1 4 3 Link to comment
Red Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 A tractor salesman is driving down the road. He looks out the window and sees a farmer with a bull hitched up to a plow. He pulls over and runs out to the farmer and says “Sir, I’m here to make your day.” “Oh yeah, how you gonna do that?” “I’m a tractor salesman and I’m going to sell you a tractor.” “I don’t need another tractor. I got three in the barn and one is brand new.” “Well what are you doing out here plowing this field with this here bull?” To which the farmer replies “I’m teaching this bull there’s more to farming than romance and tearing down fences.” 4 Link to comment
Hosstage Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 The husband comes home from work and looks around the somewhat messy house, and asks his wife why the house is dirty if she was home all day cleaning. She said, "If you were really at work all day, how come we are poor?". Then he mentions to her that one of the guys at work said our mailman had slept with every woman on the block except one. His wife said, "I'll bet it's Julie.". 1 5 Link to comment
TEWKS Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 I’m noticing it’s a little tougher to be funny without filth and politics. 2 1 Link to comment
wbw6cos Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 That's a two-fer post for you Pat: drone mentioned and a fire truck! Kudos. 1 Link to comment
John Ranalletta Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 So, what's the problem? 1 2 Link to comment
TEWKS Posted February 18 Author Share Posted February 18 ^ IDK about it being a dog. But, I do think it could be that elusive strain of six legged moose only found up in Madawaska Maine. 1 Link to comment
wbw6cos Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 I just noticed that. HIlarious. 1 Link to comment
BrianT Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 10 hours ago, wbw6cos said: I think its a PitBullwinkle 1 2 Link to comment
don v Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 From unknown author- but funny #1 How to Identify a Man by his Motorcycle 10-08-2014, 11:03 AM Honda .... This guy likes reliability over most other things. Not very adventurous but he always gets where he is going Suzuki ... Guys who understand what a real bike is, but can't afford one Kawasaki ... Most Kawasaki riders end up institutionalized. The experience is awesome, but life isn't like that and ultimately they succumb to depressive illnesses. Yamaha ... Balanced, mature but you have to be wary for the ones who feel they should own a BMW instead. BMW .... BMW riders are like their bikes. They trade upon a glorious past, they are eternally optimistic about the future, but unfortunately we live in the present. These guys are the ones who exhibit hope over experience .... and they live close to a dealership. Harley Davidson .... I never mock the afflicted. It's cruel Ducati - he is attracted by shiny beautiful things and thinks he's courageous, but once the first major service test comes, he is apt to unload her for something less demanding. KTM - he has a warped sense of beauty and swayed not by the initial looks but what is under the hood. Tends to hang on long after the scratches and dents have faded and the initial shine worn away. Triumph - the attitude and pace is more important than what's under the hood. Playful and loyal, sometimes too a fault. Totally original... just like the rest of the pack. MotoGuzzi - this is the guy who wears kilts, sandals with socks, and doesn't give a rats ass how he looks. Once an owner, he's in it for the long haul. Known for extensive body hair (not always a compliment) He who shall, so shall he who. 3 Link to comment
TEWKS Posted February 19 Author Share Posted February 19 ^ Guilty of all but two throughout my lifetime. edit… I suppose it doesn’t have to be a secret. I’m missing Triumph and Moto Guzzi. Link to comment
taylor1 Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 No Ducati, KTM, or Guzzi, but as they say, the fat lady didn't sing yet 1 1 Link to comment
Skywagon Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 It's not just motorcycles.... 1 1 Link to comment
81delorean Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 This sign is a couple of miles away from my house. We're a little backwards in Arkansas. 3 1 1 1 Link to comment
SDCRJohn Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 The young husband is in the garage polishing his BMW R1250 GS/ABS Paris Dakar LimitedEdition. and the young wife comes in and says: “Gee dear. Now that we’re married perhaps we should sell the BMW and get a more practical motorcycle, with a side car.” The husband keeps polishing and without looking up says; “Gosh dear, you’re beginning to sound like my ex-wife”. “You didn’t tell me you were married before!” she exclaimed. “I wasn’t,” he responded. 1 2 1 Link to comment
Red Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 On 2/22/2024 at 5:09 PM, 81delorean said: This sign is a couple of miles away from my house. We're a little backwards in Arkansas. I think that's the universal sign for "counter steering required ahead" 4 2 Link to comment
TEWKS Posted February 25 Author Share Posted February 25 Not sure if it’s funny but it made me smile. 1 1 Link to comment
duckhawk64 Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 My wife's used to it by now. Then she buys some furniture. 1 Link to comment
TEWKS Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 Mama said there’ll be days like this, there’ll be days like this my mama said… Link to comment
SDCRJohn Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 ."A man gets a text from his neighbor": I am so sorry, Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you do. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, he got a second text message from the guy: Damned autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife." __________________ 1 2 Link to comment
John Ranalletta Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 On 2/25/2024 at 11:57 AM, TEWKS said: Not sure if it’s funny but it made me smile. We were overnighting in Salina, KS on the way to CO last summer. Driving to dinner in a rainstorm I spotted a group of kids standing on the roadside next to a big puddle. They were waving to get drivers to splash them. We obliged. It was fun. 1 1 Link to comment
TEWKS Posted March 1 Author Share Posted March 1 That is a universal “kid” thing I guess. Because, there wasn’t tic toc back in the day to tell you, you need to do this, instinctively you just knew it would be fun. Me and a buddy did it one morning at the bus stop before school. We didn’t fully think it through, going to school soaked was fun for about the first fifteen minutes, only. 2 Link to comment
Red Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 A paraphrase from an internet piece of humor. It might belong in 'all things EV' but i couldn't find it. red Imagine we lived in a world where all cars were EV's, and then along comes a new invention, the "internal Combustion Engine"! Think how well they would sell: A vehicle half the weight, half the price that will almost reduce the damage done to roads by a quarter. A vehicle that can be refueled in 1/10th the time and has a range of up to 4 times the distance in all weather conditions. It does not rely on the environmentally damaging use of non-renewable rare earth elements nor dirty electricity made from coal or kills salmon in hydro electric dams. It uses far less steel and other materials. Just think how excited people would be for such technology? It'd sell like hot cakes. 6 1 Link to comment
Hosstage Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Not to mention, immediate extra range can be had by simply carrying extra fuel, rather than carrying and setting up solar panels and waiting around for a day to charge up. 1 1 Link to comment
MikeB60 Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 On 3/8/2024 at 6:29 AM, Skywagon said: Children Leading infantrymen for twenty years was a cake walk in comparison to dealing with their wives! 1 2 Link to comment
John Ranalletta Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 Sure, go ahead and laugh, but remember that guy who used to hang around the hood? Haven't seen him lately have you? 1 Link to comment
taylor1 Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 Yep, it's comforting to know that someone else realizes that the earth is really flat. 1 Link to comment
TEWKS Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 When you have no choice but to kick someone’s ass. 1 Link to comment
Hosstage Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 3 minutes ago, TEWKS said: When you have no choice but to kick someone’s ass. I love the tagline, Partial Arts 1 Link to comment
Hosstage Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 It took me a minute to figure it out. Once I did, it's pretty funny! You had to learn it in high school, and you've never used it in your life. Ever. 1 Link to comment
9Mary7 Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 2 hours ago, Hosstage said: you've never used it in your life. Ever. Really?? I used it yesterday to correctly calculate where I needed to accelerate to avoid getting bit by an untethered dog (actually 2) that didn't like me riding past their yard. Didn't require a slide rule though, just the ol' cranial computer and SomeWildAssGuessing!! 1 3 Link to comment
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