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Keeping it funny…


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A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2024 Super Bowl, 50-yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. 
 
 If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Sheila she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.......  
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A tractor salesman is driving down the road.

He looks out the window and sees a farmer with a bull hitched up to a plow.

He pulls over and runs out to the farmer and says

“Sir, I’m here to make your day.”

“Oh yeah, how you gonna do that?”

“I’m a tractor salesman and I’m going to sell you a tractor.”

“I don’t need another tractor. I got three in the barn and one is brand new.”

“Well what are you doing out here plowing this field with this here bull?”

To which the farmer replies

“I’m teaching this bull there’s more to farming than romance and tearing down fences.”

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The husband comes home from work and looks around the somewhat messy house, and asks his wife why the house is dirty if she was home all day cleaning. She said, "If you were really at work all day, how come we are poor?". Then he mentions to her that one of the guys at work said our mailman had slept with every woman on the block except one. His wife said, "I'll bet it's Julie.".

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I’m noticing it’s a little tougher to be funny without filth and politics. :5146: :4323:

 

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^ IDK about it being a dog. But, I do think it could be that elusive strain of six legged moose only found up in Madawaska Maine. :5146:

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From unknown author- but funny

#1

How to Identify a Man by his Motorcycle

10-08-2014, 11:03 AM
 
Honda .... This guy likes reliability over most other things. Not very adventurous but he always gets where he is going

Suzuki ... Guys who understand what a real bike is, but can't afford one

Kawasaki ... Most Kawasaki riders end up institutionalized. The experience is awesome, but life isn't like that and ultimately they succumb to depressive illnesses.

Yamaha ... Balanced, mature but you have to be wary for the ones who feel they should own a BMW instead.

BMW .... BMW riders are like their bikes. They trade upon a glorious past, they are eternally optimistic about the future, but unfortunately we live in the present. These guys are the ones who exhibit hope over experience .... and they live close to a dealership.

Harley Davidson .... I never mock the afflicted. It's cruel


Ducati - he is attracted by shiny beautiful things and thinks he's courageous, but once the first major service test comes, he is apt to unload her for something less demanding.

KTM - he has a warped sense of beauty and swayed not by the initial looks but what is under the hood. Tends to hang on long after the scratches and dents have faded and the initial shine worn away.

Triumph - the attitude and pace is more important than what's under the hood. Playful and loyal, sometimes too a fault. Totally original... just like the rest of the pack.

MotoGuzzi - this is the guy who wears kilts, sandals with socks, and doesn't give a rats ass how he looks. Once an owner, he's in it for the long haul. Known for extensive body hair (not always a compliment)
He who shall, so shall he who.
 

 

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^ Guilty of all but two throughout my lifetime. :spittake:
 

edit…

I suppose it doesn’t have to be a secret. I’m missing Triumph and Moto Guzzi. :)

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The young husband is in the garage polishing his BMW R1250 GS/ABS Paris Dakar LimitedEdition.

and the young wife comes in and says:

“Gee dear. Now that we’re married perhaps we should sell the BMW and get a more practical motorcycle, with a side car.”

The husband keeps polishing and without looking up says; “Gosh dear, you’re beginning to sound like my ex-wife”.

“You didn’t tell me you were married before!” she exclaimed.

“I wasn’t,” he responded.

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On 2/22/2024 at 5:09 PM, 81delorean said:

This sign is a couple of miles away from my house. We're a little backwards in Arkansas. 

IMG_1800.JPG

I think that's the universal sign for "counter steering required ahead"

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