depending on the kindness of strangers?

[elkroeger]

not sure if this belongs in ride well... It is a "judgement" topic, so I stuck it here.

 

Last spring the missus and I were riding in central Florida. And we had that unmistakeable tourist look about us (Washington plates, large duffles, extra gear strapped on...). Late in the afternoon we were passed by a stereotypical "biker" (pirate outfit, no helmet, etc.) After a bit, we passed him. A little while more, and we pulled in for gas. So did he. Only he didn't buy gas. He sat on his bike in front of the mini mart. I went in for a cold drink, and bumped into him at the counter. He started up a congenial conversation about where we were from, where we were going, etc., and he seemed genuinely excited to see someone so far from home on their bikes. He even expressed an interest in riding to Alaska "next year". And then came the invite. "Hey, I just live up the road, why don't you and your little lady come over and crash at my place?"

 

Luckily I didn't have to think too much - "I've got hotel reservations two towns over. Gotta be there...." I said. (it was true!)

 

Now I'm a bit of a skeptic. Maybe he was just a nice guy. I might not arrive at that conclusion based on his appearance, or his somewhat odd behavior. But it really could go either way. We've all read horror stories of toursists getting snookered, and we all fear it while travelling.

 

So I'm curious - Do you have a standard response when being offered a bit "too much" hospitality? How do you decide how much is too much? Does it depend on the situation? Or do you give them a line of bull so you don't sound so far from home (like "I recently moved to xyz-ville...")? I'm sure there's lots of honest people out there. Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe not. What are your thoughts?

[Tony_K]

Would love to tell you the story of hospitality that almost ended two Aussie tourists lives in the Philippines if my friends hadn't been there to help them... but this is your thread...

[russell_bynum]

I think that in general we are an overly paranoid society. We're afraid to drink the water that comes out of the taps. We're afraid to let our kids be kids. We're afraid of strangers.

 

What's really interesting about this is that it has created a society where, if anyone dares step out of the norm and try to do something nice, they're immediately viewed with great suspicion.

 

Chances are, that guy was just being nice.

 

 

[plext]

Books and covers comes to mind.

 

In my experience, the smart suit wearing types are the ones to beware of and the tatty looking guy in the beat up car is the one that helps you out when you really need it.

 

I take people as I find them, not how they look.

[VinnyR11]

Sounds like it felt wrong to you, so you did the right thing. I think we have a sense for these things, and it's best to follow it and not worry about questioning it afterward.

 

 

[jfremder]

While I've never been the recipient of such kindness, I have provided it in the past, on several occassions, probably when more paranoid types would/should have run away.

 

Rememberances include rescuing a family stranded on a dark quiet highway at 3AM. Transported them to the jewelry show they were headed to with all their stuff, went back and put a fuel pump in their car, then helped them get their car back after the show.

 

Persuaded a troubled and seemingly overserved young woman to stop operating her automobile, took her to my nearby Mom's house and sobered her up. (Mom was a little spooked at first, the woman was dressed in stillettos and sequins at 9AM) No she wasn't just getting off work.

 

Both of these people were very vulnerable, but let the kindness of a stranger help them when they needed it most.

 

Ended up up being friends with the stranded family. Not sure what happened to the young woman.

 

I will continue to make the same decisions to help today, and I hope society continues to allow others accept my offers of kindness

 

 

[Hollow Road Rider]

Sounds like it felt wrong to you, so you did the right thing. I think we have a sense for these things, and it's best to follow it and not worry about questioning it afterward.

 

 

What he said.

Gut instinct is always the best choice for me.

[R80RTKen]

I have been offerred extraordinary kindness on the road by many folks, especially when I was a dumb, broke teenager riding around on a beat up old bike that broke a lot, but also riding my fancy BMW's. Recently a headlight bulb burned out, and an old man who owned a gas station gave be long and detailed directions to his house, garage, and stash of old headlight bulbs, and told me to go there alone (he was still working) and fish thru his stuff. I thanked him for the offer, but was too ... uncomfortable.. to take it.. but he was for real, it was late, and he was being a total saint... Sometimes, it is this sort of thing that saves you.. That said.. be careful out there.

[tallman]

It would depned on where in central Florida.

[g_frey]

Charley May was the best man I ever knew. I have often seen him give complete strangers tires, gas, etc. when they broke down near his place (thirty miles from anywhere). We met when he offerred me a bed in his basement during a blizzard when I was camping out. He was the best friend I ever had. He told me that he was always repaid for his kindness to others. We were working once and a fellow in a van came into his ranch with a flat tire. Charles gave him a tire and wheel off his own car to get to town. As the guy was driving off I asked if he was going to copy down his liscense plate. He just said "nope". The guy brought back the wheel along with 2 new tires! When I do something like that I usually get screwed I guess.

[Bob Palin]

I agree that you have to go with your gut feeling - it's the result of a lot of survival oriented evolution! Problem is that in this society a lot of people spend a lot of energy trying to replace their gut feelings with logic, might (might) work with finances but won't ever be best for personal relations - that's what we are 'designed' for.

 

I've benefitted from, offered, and refused hospitality, it's a shame that so many are so paranoid about it.

[R80RTKen]

I go extra extra out of my way to offer kindness to bikers. It's what I believe you are "supposed to do". Somehow, I really believe most of us also think this way.

[Calvin (no socks)]

We are all strangers until we meet. I have offered assistance and been kindly refused..Have needed help and been overwhelmed with open hearts. I am paranoid of situations that develop and am free to draw the line... have regretted some chance encounters and treasured others. Spending the night....er...maybe next time...

[outpost22]

Pay it forward.

 

The only way life should be lived.

[BubbaLa]

i might have asked for a recommendation for a local restaurant and maybe invite him to eat. just to get to see what his deal was.

but i hate to sleep in other peoples houses.

[Agent_Orange]

'Killer' nailed it.

[dhanson]

I pretty much talk to anyone that comes up, but it takes a while before I can trust them. I like to play little mental games with them to see how they respond and find their limits at least what they will expose as their limits.

 

Bottom line, if they do not respect themselves then they will most likely have no respect for me.

[R80RTKen]

I think most folks are genuinely kind, or want to be the hero(which is fine if you need a rescue)

 

When my Rt broke down less than a mile from home last summer, I called a friend to go to my house and get my truck, my ramp, and a milk crate. He was overjoyed to help. As I was on the side of the road, with help, a cop, and my truck, an overbearing fellow pulled over, announced he owned a Goldwing that he'd loaded a "million times" into his truck, and insisted on helping.. it was kinda funny, and kinda annoying.. even the cop who was directing traffic away from us was sorta amused... but in the end it turned out 3 can load a heavy bike much easier than two, and unlike the friend Id called, this guy _had_ done it before.. Turning him away was my first instinct..

 

 

[upflying]

I'm with the OP. I would have kindly turned down the offer hospitality of from the stranger. Unfortunately I am cynical of fellow humans caused by 30 years of dealing with one percenters, 99% of the time.

I also have another take on this. Most of us are self-reliant and responsible for supporting ourselves in terms of housing, food and medical. If I was dependent on government entitlement programs, would that make me more likely to accept the offer of subsistence and lodging help from a stranger?

Since I can afford a hotel, I choose not to accept offers of crashing at a biker pad. I simply choose not to share my life with someone from another socio/demographic-economic class. This is also why public transportation is a dismal failure in many American cities. I choose not to share my vehicle with the public.

[elkroeger]

Interesting comments.

 

I wasn't so much concerned with whether I'd made the "right" decision when this guy offered a place to crash: I wasn't having any troubles, I had a destination about 3 hours away, and I needed to be there. So my decision had been made before we'd even met.

 

But I thought it brought up an interesting, perhaps under-discussed topic: Knowing when to say when - particularly because I feel motorcyclists present a somewhat easier target for bad guys. We can't just lock the doors, and our status as tourists is loudly declared by all the bags and junk strapped down.

 

btw - I have given, received, etc. help and hospitality many times. I've hitchhiked my way around southern Africa, so I hope I'm not too paranoid. I even gave that guy I met in Florida my home phone number, should he ever find himself in Seattle on his way to Alaska like he talked about. But I was quite sure that he'd never call. Hasn't yet...

[Mister Tee]

That offer just seems a little on the weird side to me. I think if I was actually struggling and destitute, I would still pass on it.

[ragtoplvr]

I have give gas to many strangers, and then had money appear in the mail along with a card. I fixed an alternator (loose belt ) for a couple once. Gave some farmers far from home tools and place to work so they could fix their car, got a nice Ham from them at Christmas.

 

Gave a very drunk lady who had picked up her kids and then wrecked in the snow, a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I should have called the law on her, but I called her folks and gave them a warm place to stay until they got there. The kids were so cute. She was cute had the BSC look about her. At the door, I told her dad that hopefully he could talk some sense into her, he looked very sad and said next time we will just keep the kids till morning. He did say thank you in a very sad way, a whole story there for sure. I know I did wrong, now I call the law like I did for the drunk that took out some fence that he never will pay for.

 

Rod

 

Never any bad, just unappreciative ones.

 

 

[MotorinLA]

Gave a very drunk lady who had picked up her kids and then wrecked in the snow, a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I should have called the law on her, but I called her folks and gave them a warm place to stay until they got there. The kids were so cute. She was cute had the BSC look about her. At the door, I told her dad that hopefully he could talk some sense into her, he looked very sad and said next time we will just keep the kids till morning. He did say thank you in a very sad way, a whole story there for sure. I know I did wrong, now I call the law like I did for the drunk that took out some fence that he never will pay for.

 

Rod

 

Never any bad, just unappreciative ones.

 

 

[hijack]

You're not a police officer, you have no obligation to take anyone to jail, or cause them to be arrested for driving under the influence. Many "old school" police officers working patrol in "the good old days" used to send drivers home in a taxi, rather than taking them to jail, if they felt it was more appropriate. At least in California there are very few "shall arrest" offenses, most are subject to "officer discretion".

 

That being said, I personally believe most DUI drivers should face the consequences of their actions. DUI drivers kill or hurt a large number people in our country every year. The only way to attempt to break the cycle of drunk driving, is to affect an arrest and hope that the follow-up programs and punishment will discourage future drunk driving.

 

Without doubt drunk driving is an epidemic in our nation.

 

[/hijack]

 

As for the original thread, I'm with Bob. Having seen the disregard that many have for the persons and property of others, I'm probably on the overly paranoid side when it comes to judging the motives of strangers.

 

Couple this with reports years ago, which claimed that following the increased weapons carry ability issued to Florida residents, criminals in that state began targeting "obvious tourists" more frequently, I'd be likely to decline this gentleman's offer as well.

 

I have seen how criminals take advantage of the "trust" of their victims too many times.

 

Sad, but true.

[yabadabapal]

I agree that you have to go with your gut feeling - it's the result of a lot of survival oriented evolution! Problem is that in this society a lot of people spend a lot of energy trying to replace their gut feelings with logic, might (might) work with finances but won't ever be best for personal relations - that's what we are 'designed' for.

 

I've benefitted from, offered, and refused hospitality, it's a shame that so many are so paranoid about it.

 

Thats the truth. I tend to know everything I will ever need to know about someone within the first 10 seconds of meeting them. Everything after that is just me talking to myself and often confusing myself. I subscribe to intelligent kindness.

[leikam]

I thought it brought up an interesting, perhaps under-discussed topic: Knowing when to say when - particularly because I feel motorcyclists present a somewhat easier target for bad guys. We can't just lock the doors, and our status as tourists is loudly declared by all the bags and junk strapped down.

 

I guess I don't share this impression. Of course I'm more vulnerable on the road, but once I've stopped? If a "bad guy" wants something, it's just as easy to mess with a cager who leaves their car to eat or gas up or use the bathroom. Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt that riding a bike makes me look like a much easier mark. Sure, your stuff is fairly visible, but tourists really stick out because they don't know where they're going, talk funny, stop to look at what's ordinary to locals; it's the behavior as much as the out of state plates that give you away.

[Survived-til-now]

I agree that you have to go with your gut feeling - it's the result of a lot of survival oriented evolution! Problem is that in this society a lot of people spend a lot of energy trying to replace their gut feelings with logic, might (might) work with finances but won't ever be best for personal relations - that's what we are 'designed' for.

 

I've benefitted from, offered, and refused hospitality, it's a shame that so many are so paranoid about it.

 

Thats the truth. I tend to know everything I will ever need to know about someone within the first 10 seconds of meeting them. Everything after that is just me talking to myself and often confusing myself. I subscribe to intelligent kindness.

 

Winston Churchill wrote that he formed an opinion about someone within seconds, chided himself for being too hasty, but ultimately concluded that he was always right with his first impression...........

[upflying]

And of course Churchill would be politically incorrect now. He subscribes to stereotyping and dare I say it, "profiling" people.

If we formed an opinion about people within seconds today, the tolerance/multiculturalism police would be all over us.

[graydude]

My brother-in-law was traveling from Fresno to Las Vegas in 2003. Stopped in Bakersfield for a beer. Met some nice folks and one beer led to several more and an invite to party out at one guys house. My Bro followed the caravan off the pavement, onto the dirt, along way from anywhere. Stopped to meet his companions and was met with several blows to the head with a rock. They took his tools, lite his truck on fire and left him for dead in the desert. He crawled to a house and received help. Three people are in jail with terms from 25 to life.

 

Point being beware of strangers bearing gifts.

[IT_Mike]

In late August 2003, while towing a camper through Virginia, my wife and I had a trailer tire blow out coming down the south side of Mt. Christiansburg. There we are, stuck on the side of the interstate on a Sunday afternoon with no jack, no lug wrench, and no idea what we were going to do.

 

Along came a motorcycling couple who'd seen us while traveling the other direction, and they offered to give us a hand with the tire problem. They returned about twenty minutes later with tools and a jack, we pulled the wheel, and followed them to Walmart. Walmart could do nothing with the wheel, and didn't have a correct size replacement tire. All of the other shops were closed, and they offered us a room until morning.

 

The next morning, they shuttled us to the local tire shop, we got a new tire, and got the whole thing back together.

 

We'll never forget their charity, and try to pay it forward at every opportunity. Three days later, we spent six hours on the side of the road helping a rider from Mexico troubleshoot electrical problems with his rat bike.

 

We've gone too far from the days when you just helped strangers. I refuse to become that insulated from others, and insist on helping others wherever possible.

 

I mean, just think about where I'd be if I hadn't been volunteering with a local group when I met my wife... ;D

[MotorinLA]

Stopped in Bakersfield for a beer.

 

Say no more

[Survived-til-now]

And of course Churchill would be politically incorrect now. He subscribes to stereotyping and dare I say it, "profiling" people.

If we formed an opinion about people within seconds today, the tolerance/multiculturalism police would be all over us.

 

 

Of course you are right and we are constantly reminded to beware stereotyping/pigeon-holing people, and our police get training in cultural differences to try and overcome in-built prejudice...

 

BUT

 

job-hunters are always told that the first few seconds of any interview often determine the outcome... so I think there's a difference between what we should be doing and and we naturally do.

 

In the context of the OP I'll go with "never mind political correctness" your safety could be at risk and if a cultural or other difference stands in the way of an accurate assessment then err on the safe side!

 

Mind you, how you spot that little ol' grey haired lady serving arsenic in the apple pie - I just don't know

[Green RT]

I am generally pretty trusting of people until they do or say something to trigger suspicion. I have hitchhiked in lots of different countries both rich and poor and generally been both the donor and recipient of lots of good deeds. Slept in soccer fields as well as farm fields and been given the keys to someone's empty house in a little village one cold night in Germany. But the scenario described in the original post in this thread would have felt off to me, and I would have passed even if I needed a place to stay

[Swordofwords]

The Laws of the West were when a person was down, or in a precariouse situation, passerbys helped. Because the next person met just might be their sole means of survival. It was customary to allow room and board for the stranded, and some cabins here, still have the unwritten right for the stranded to use (not abuse): use food, stove, or whatever means to stay alive.

The MOA kind of provides a means of survival and friendship; one of the reasons I joined and eventually led me here.

Since: I've helped get an old R100 back on the road (valve needed

reset), housed and babysat a K75 due to blizzards, and housed a lovely K1200 months before the Wyoming Rally so a couple could fly to Nevada for a golf tourney (Great couple, too bad I lost their addr.).

An offer of kindness is a kind offer, and no thank you is no thank you. Many stories are written of using some of that to allow a frugal vacation which provided fodder for a nice story or tale, with the hosts full knowing their role; they were quite pleased.

Stories of abuse or not so friendly outcomes are always going to be here, however if a wrench is needed and I have it, I will provide, if camp spots or garage space; if I have it, make it so!

It was good to ask, and the different thought are also. May all

who are on this forum make a choice that is good for them.

Was that wishy washy? I think so! LOL

This forum demonstrates our love for travel, adventure, and tales. We are a daring lot!