Why English Is Hard To Learn

[Scarecrow]

A bit of humor. I sometimes think up sentences with homonyms.

Why English Is Hard To Learn

 

Youve gotta admit, its a pretty stupid language. Id hate to be a foreigner trying to learn it. Heres 21 reasons why English is a pain in the ass.

 

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

 

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

 

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

 

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

 

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

 

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

 

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

 

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

 

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

 

10. I did not object to the object.

 

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

 

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

 

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

 

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

 

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

 

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

 

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

 

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

 

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

 

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

 

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Want to start something..?

Although the fare is fair, I fear I don't have enough to pay it.

[Les is more]

Here's one--

 

The snake in the slough will slough its skin.

 

The homophones drive students nuts too!

 

I couldn't bear being bare being chased by the bear.

 

The hare has soft hair.

 

The jeweler wears his wares.

 

One of the members of the caste had her arm in a cast.

 

The avalanche threatened to slay the man in the sleigh.

 

There's no way that I weigh that much.

 

It'd be great and I'd be grateful if you'd grate the cheese

 

I clicked my tongue against my palate as I lay on my pallet and contemplated the colors on my palette.

[Bob Palin]

At least English doesn't have all those ridiculous genders - for instance in French a key is feminine but a keyhole is masculine - what sense does that make?

[Matts_12GS]

At least English doesn't have all those ridiculous genders - for instance in French a key is feminine but a keyhole is masculine - what sense does that make?

 

Totally backasswards...

I surrender

[REVz]

It isn't fair that the cabby charges such a high fare just to ride over to the county fair when the weather is fair to middlin.

 

So then how about a mix of words that are words with colloquialisms?

 

Middlin brings along...tawhere and wheez, and theyze

 

I'm getting tawhere I feel kinda old, but wheez gonna meet some friends and go for a ride, and theyze fun to ride with.

 

or

 

Ida-no - I'm sorry, ida-no I had an appointment today.

[ArmyGuy]

Then there are those that are just lost in translation....

 

[Marek]

George Carlin had a great monologue about the English and how it's spelled and pronounced etc - I was trying to find it on the web to no avail. It reflected well my sentiments about english. - Mark

[Paul Mihalka]

As somebody who has been through it, the worst part of English is that you have to learn two languages. The written one and the spoken one. There is very little relation between the two.

[Les is more]

To wit--these are the ones that drove our German friends crazy.

 

through

trough

though

drought

draught

rough

bough

cough

thought

bought

enough

dough

slough

slough

plough

thorough

laugh

caught

[Les is more]

 

I've always loved the English sign in the Austrian Ski Resort--

 

Please not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

[artig]

There's a poem, The Chaos, by a Dutch writer, G. Nolst Trenité, using the pseudonum Charivarius, which illustrates some of the problems with English pronunciation and spelling. The poem is now found in several versions, in many locations on the web. Many of them misspell feoffer as foeffer, others claim the author to be unknown, and some have the title as "English is tough stuff". One version is found here. A longer version can be found here in PDF format. It starts:

 

Dearest creature in creation

Studying English pronunciation,

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse

I will keep you, Susy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye your dress you'll tear,

So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,

Pray, console your loving poet,

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!

Just compare heart, beard and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it's written).

Made has not the sound of bade,

Say said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as vague and ague,

But be careful how you speak,

Say break, steak, but bleak and streak.

 

and ends:

 

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict, and indict!

Don't you think so, reader, rather,

Saying lather, bather, father?

Finally: which rimes with "enough"

Though, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?

Hiccough has the sound of "cup."

My advice is--give it up!

 

 

[Albert]

Are you sure that's English Leslie?? I only recognize a couple of them.

[motoguy128]

The challenge of speaking english is proven by the number of Americans that fail to speak it correctly, or the number that would struggle to correctly read the OP.

 

 

[leikam]

English isn't hard to learn; it's just hard to master -- like many languages. But that's not really the point, is it?

 

Besides, it's a poor editor who lets sentences like these go to print: "The farm was used to produce produce."