Golf Joke Redux

[Joel]

It is little-known that Jesus loves golf and will go out at the crack of dawn to sneak in a round alone before most golfers are awake. He’ll usually recruit a local pastor as his caddie.

 

One morning Jesus came upon a particularly challenging hole – a short par 4 that looks driveable, but with an island green. Jesus figures he has nothing to lose, so he goes for the green, but his tee shot finds the water. So, he walks across the water, retrieves his ball, and tries again. After another tee shot finds the water, the caddie speaks up. “Lord, that shot is nearly impossible. Maybe it would be wiser to lay up?”

 

“Have you forgotten who you’re talking to?” replies Jesus. He tees it up and tries again and again, with the same results. As he retrieves his ball yet again, another golfer walks up to the tee and asks the caddie “Hey, who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?”

 

“Well,” replies that caddie, “He is Jesus Christ. The problem is, he thinks he’s Tiger Woods.”

 

[Whip]

I Love Rocco

 

Rocco for President

 

 

 

[Joel]

Big props to Rocco: he gave it all, didn't choke, and has a great attitude (think it was a coincidence he showed up dressed in red & black?). I respect that at least as much as Woods playing through the pain.

[Redbrick]

Big props to Rocco: he gave it all, didn't choke, and has a great attitude (think it was a coincidence he showed up dressed in red & black?). I respect that at least as much as Woods playing through the pain.

 

I wondered about the red and black too Joel....I'll bet Tiger smiled to himself when he saw Rocco in those colors.......Was really a great tournament....Nobody ran away with it at any time....Enjoyed watching Rocco hold himself together through the week but when Tiger sank that tough birdie on 18 to go to sudden death Rocco's chances of winning were at best 1 in 10.....

 

Phil..........Redbrick

[ShovelStrokeEd]

Guy goes out with his new girlfriend for a round of golf. She is having a miserable time, shooting 9's and 10's on every hole. At the ninth hole she finally tosses her putter into the the cart and announces that "this is the most stupid game ever invented."

 

Boyfriend looks at her and asks, "How long have you been playing?"

"A little over a year", she replies.

 

"You are not qualified to judge," says BF, "you have to play this game 20 years before you know how truly stupid it is."

[SeanC]

I Love Rocco

 

Rocco for President

 

 

Bogie that!

 

(Um, that would be "+1" for you Russell acolytes.)

 

So I'm thinking of marketing a line of golf balls called "Rocco Balls." They're bigger than standard balls, and will usually land 30 or 40 yards shorter than everyone else in your group, but 9 times out of ten they'll find the fairway.

 

Also, Rocco Balls will be the first golf balls sold with a license agreement... "Players with Rocco Balls agree to never wince dramatically for cameras or onlookers after a swing due to sore knees or other common ailments, injuries, etc. Pain is Mother Nature's way of telling you there's a flaw in your thinking or technique, NOT a photo op for selling more Gatorade, garnering sympathy, etc. If it hurts, keep it to yourself. If you can't, please surrender your Rocco Balls to the nearest player wearing pants and take your next shot from the forward tees you giant pussy, you."

 

You know, something like that.

[Reddog900]

Not to change the subject matter entirely, but I had the opportunity to spend Father's Day at Torrey Pines watching the US Open. Along with the other masses of humanity I ran/speed walked/wiggled my way around the course watching Rocco and Tiger play. From watching them warm up on the practice tee to playing there rounds of golf, they were complete opposites. Rocco was friendly, waving to people, smiling, and animated while Tiger was focused and unwavering in his manners and attitude.

I and many others became ROCCO fans

[ericfoerster]

Rocco was friendly, waving to people, smiling, and animated while Tiger was focused and unwavering in his manners and attitude.

I and many others became ROCCO fans

 

Maybe that is why Tiger took home the paycheck.

 

Being a nice guy doesn't put money in the bank in that sport. I personally know several police officers who worked with and for Tiger and they all spoke highly of him. They said he gave away shirts and hats to the entire staff and he even had a meal with them.

 

I rooted for Rocco, but I was not shocked when Tiger came out on top.

 

This pretty much says it all:

 

One Billion Dollars by 2010

[SeanC]

Being a nice guy doesn't put money in the bank in that sport.

 

I don't know about that... Last week Rocco was #158 on the PGA's money list. Five days of work later and he's #47. Sure, he didn't take home the Big check, but he did take home one for $810,000. Not bad for a balding, middle-aged guy with a bad back, a sense of humor and more personality than a cinder block.

[tallman]

Well, they were working, weren't they?

You got to see another side of Tiger when the baby wanted to stay w/him and not go back to mama.

Arnold Palmer, "the King", was often contrasted with JNick, with Arnie getting the nod for personableness, etc.

Tiger doesn't have a foil, yet, let alone a group like Watson, Trevino, Player, et al.

I was rooting for exactly what happened, both players having the chance to win, and I think we got that, in spades.

Rocco exhibited class in defeat and surely seemed the more personable during the match.

But, going back to my opening shot, they were working, competing for our National Title.

We don't expect Kobe to be laughing and joking, signing autographs during the game tonight, do we?

Or, any other professional athlete, during the competition.

Hats off to both players for a memorable event.

[BabyCow]

I don't know either of them personally so it can be hard to tell from afar.......... but find Rocco a more appealing personality -no good (OTT fist pumping, high fives) and bad (club and ball throwing)histrionics, no sarcastic replies to interview questions....Good luck to Woods, a great golfer

[90%angel]

Well, I was there (you can all hate me now!) and from what people said (I certainly wasn't going to jump in the throngs of people following Tiger around...I happily stayed camped in our hospitality tent most of the time), Tiger was nice after the match, saying hi, interacting, etc. And it wasn't that he wasn't "nice" during the tournament, just focused. However; the USGA has a no picture, no autograph policy there during the championship days. You can only get pix and autographs on practice days. WTF? I can get an autograph and a pic with racers 20 mins before they go out racing. Racing's a mental game too, but they interact with their fans up until the minute. C'mon golfers, stop being such pussies.IMHO.

 

And I love how you can't bring cases or covers of any kind into the venue because they are afraid the zipper or velcro noise will distract the golfers. (Seriously, i was told that was the reason) And yet, the USMC flew over doing maneuvers quite a few times...so afterburners aren't distracting, or nobody wanted to be the ones to tell the marines they're being too noisy?

 

I have to say, I learned more than I thought I ever would about golf this week. At the start of the week, I had no idea what an eagle was. By the end of the week, people ask me whats going on (we had high def tvs playing the golf in the tent) and I say, "well, he bogied the last two, putting him a stroke behind, so he has to birdie this one to tie it up again..."

 

I will say I did think Tiger was entertaining on Saturday. Thought Rocco put in a valiant effort too, so good on him.

 

I do wish they just would have done the sudden death 19th hole on Sunday though...why go through another 18 holes? Just go to a tiebreaker and be done with it. There are no play off races on Monday; someone walks out a winner on Sunday. Of course, part of my disdain for the Monday match was that I thought my event was ending on Sunday...I was done, I'd been working hard for a while on that event, and my quarter had run out. Then, Tiger makes that putt, and we now have to go to playoffs. Now, instead of being done, I get 3 phone calls within 5 minutes asking for playoff tickets, and I know my relaxing, unwinding, destress night is now going to be me playing ticket broker. (Fortunately, my boss stepped in an offered to handle distribution for me!)

 

[SeanC]

Lisa, you shoulda told me you were going to Torrey Pines! I was there too. Hell, my company was essentially shut down for an entire week. We all went. (We share a building with TaylorMade, so we were pretty well-connected event wise.)

 

Over at the American Express "Card Member" tent, they were handing out hand-held TVs to cardholders. A pretty good way to check out what was going on at other holes.

 

Re: sudden death overtime, I really hope the USGA doesn't change its system. I love the 18-hole playoff. Without it, this wouldn't have been one of the best U.S. Opens ever, perhaps one of the best tournaments ever.

 

I just read that Tiger's out for the season. I guess he wasn't playing possum after all (which I suspected he was). Now I feel a little bad for poking fun at him. Rooting for him is sorta like rooting for OPEC, but damn, the sport just isn't the same without him. I hope he gets that knee healthy and returns to his all-powerful, all-dominating form for 2009.

[russell_bynum]

Bah. I watched for a few minutes when a couple of friends and I rolled into Warner Springs in the middle of s kick-ass dualsport ride on Sunday. We pulled into the golf course cafe thingy and they had it on the TV. What a snoozer. Nobody highsided. Nobody did any wheelies. WTF? I didn't even see any powerslides or late-braking passes.

 

Wake me up when Tiger and Rocco get into an impromptu race from the 18th green back to the clubhouse in those little electric car thingies.

 

[Joel]

Rooting for him is sorta like rooting for OPEC, but damn, the sport just isn't the same without him. I hope he gets that knee healthy and returns to his all-powerful, all-dominating form for 2009.

 

Well put.

 

I have the utmost respect for Tiger's talents and accomplishments. Non-golfers should check out his Wikipedia entry. Winning a major is impressive by itself, but winning it with a torn ACL and a double stress fracture of the tibia defies description. As if we didn't already know, dude's a freak, or a warlock or something. OTOH, I have a pretty high degree of disdain for the mass media's fawning over him. Yes, when he plays, there's a good chance of witnessing history being made, but there's a lot more to golf and each event than the Big Red Shirt.

[90%angel]

What hospitality village were you in? We were in Torrey Pines Village. With the strictness of the USGA, if you were in another village I couldn't come to see you unless you had an extra ticket for me (and vice versa for you visiting me). But, we could have met on neutral territory like the merchandise pavillion or something...wasn't that a massive thing! 16,000 square feet of overpriced stuff! Actually, in fairness, I thought the prices were pretty on the level. T-shirts for $22 is pretty good...I think MotoGP shirts were more than that.

 

As for the playoffs, again, I was just sore because I was so looking forward to being done (it was a great event and all, but it tires you out), that when they said playoff, I was the only one in the tent going "NOOOOOOOO!!!" But I still don't get why they don't just do the 19th hole thingy on Sunday...if that's they way the tie is called on Monday, then why not do it on Sunday?

 

Now I don't follow golf and all, but Tiger seems like the Rossi of golf; how do you root against the guy? You can't, but you are secretly kind of glad when someone else can take him down. It makes it more interesting when there's a competition.

 

[Huzband]

Tiger is golfs answer to Jeremy McGrath.

 

You like the guy well enough, but it's still fun to watch him have to earn it once in a while.

[Matts_12GS]

I'm with Sean on this one... You really don't want to see him dominate everything but there's something magical when he does.

 

I was stunned watching his face as he studied what was before him and compared what he saw to what he knew he could do.

 

I hate that Tiger is such a machine but I marvel at his ability to focus on things. My dad and I were discussing what it would feel like for one of us mere mortals to play just one round at Augusta the way Tiger can. Can you imagine it?