Life ain't fair, I tell ya

[Francois_Dumas]

Last month we had the bad news about Mom's cancer.... last week the docs said it didn't look life-threating for now.... and last night we didn't leave hospital until 2 am, leaving her behind in bad shape and with the doc asking us to decide whether or not they should re-animate her in case of 'her systems giving up'.

 

That, I can tell you, was the toughest question I am ever asked.... and subsequent talking to Dad about it the toughest discussion I've ever had.

 

But we saw this coming, albeit it reluctantly acknowledging it, and she is 88 and has lived a good life... minus the past 5 months or so.

 

So currently we are really 'down' and occupied with all sorts of distractions, like taking care of Dad's visit, buying things they need, trying to organize 'life after' and what not.... and all the while more worried about Richard than about Mom in a way. Isn't that 'bad' ?

 

I also can cope with the fact when she won't be there anymore, I think, but I have real trouble with helping her now. I feel SO sorry for her that I almost wish she'd go asleep and not wake up anymore. It is heart braking to watch her shrink, crumple and lose her spark of life... even though her humor still flared up softly once.

 

I know many of you have gone through this and we all know the day comes. I don't think it makes it any easier. Nor does it make life fair.

 

Sorry folks, just had to jot this down as I can't really get my mind into work anyway.

 

Wishing everybody here and their kin well and please, savor the day while you still can !

 

Francois

[Richard_D]

Francois, Your mom did a great job with you !

[Lineareagle]

It is very true that it is hard to celebrate life when a loved one is dying, but that is what must happen to ease the transition.

 

Mom's are particularly hard to deal with, I think, the feeling of loss is great. Mine passed because of lung cancer, not a nice way to go but while she was still lucid we had some good contact.

 

May it be so with you as well.

 

May good times out weigh the bad.

 

 

 

[Knifemaker]

Francois....All I can do at this time is give you a mental sholder...my friend...its here...take a rest...then use it to help your dad...

 

Our love and strength is with you as it is with Richard. That small tear in your eye is the strength of the love we all share for you and Richard in our hearts.

 

With our deepest love....Debbie and Bill

[Paul Mihalka]

Francois and Nina,

Our mind and heart is with you. There isn't much more that I can say.

Paul and Maria

[Twisties]

Oh Francois,

 

Our thoughts are with you.

 

Jan

[Joel]

You'll be in my thoughts.

 

Odd, isn't it, how there can be so much teaching and learning in life, yet there seems to be very little to teach us how to deal with these end-of-life situations? They never seem to transpire as we might have imagined. I've been there with my father, and I'll be there again with my mother and in-laws. I wish you peace as you deal with what lies ahead of you. You'll find the right way through it all.

[Laura]

Sorry Francois. This is one of the hardest and most painful times you'll go through. It will take over your life until it's over but you'll get through it. Spend as much time with her as you can while she is lucid.

 

My mom passed from lung cancer less than three months after diagnosis. It was heartbreaking to see her be in so much pain and just shrink away in that bed. She died at my sister's home under hospice care. A faster death would have been more of a blessing.

 

My prayer to you for strength and my prayers for her that she does not suffer. Feel free to contact me if you just want to talk. I'm here.

 

 

[Boffin]

Francois, the death of a parent is one of the toughest things we have to live through, second only to the death of a child.

 

I wish I had words to comfort you, but that is beyond my ability. All I can say is that I am thinking of you and your family.

 

Andy

[George Brown]

Francois and Nina, we will be keeping you and your family in our prayers. God Bless!

[Paul_Burkett]

Francois, this is one of those hurdles that you must cross, and as hard as it is to say, you know the answer to the Doctors question. Lynda and I sent heart felt sadness and encouragement to you and your family.

[stubble!]

Francois, you're in my thoughts. This is a trying time for you, and it's bound to bring up all manner of thoughts and emotions, none of which are bad, they just 'are'. A time to spend with your family, and as has been said, to honor and celebrate life, as difficult as that may be.

 

Peace to you and your family.

 

Sebastian

[Ken H.]

Life ain't fair, I tell ya

 

No it isn’t.

 

But some of the aspects of life that make it unfair, are also some of the ones that make it interesting and grand. Everything we do, every person we know, everything that we are, has some terrible moments and some glorious ones. If we can (eventually) relish the glorious ones and forget the terrible ones, then both the giver and receiver will have done a wonderful job during their short time here.

 

 

 

[Ron_B]

Francois, I lost both parents 6 months apart, 6 years ago. Like yours, mine lived a long time, 85 and 87 years. No matter how many times you tell yourself that, it still doesn't seem long enough. I miss them terribly, as you will when that time comes to pass.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, painful as they are. Your admonition to "savor the day while you still can" is so true.

 

You and your family are in my thoughts.

[BeniciaRT_GT]

Francois,

 

PM sent with my thoughts, but I'm sending as much positive energy as I can your way. Thanks for the thoughts, and I hope everyone will be at peace with how this all works out for your family/loved ones.

 

Take care of Mom and Dad and all will fall into place. Kinda that way all through life isn't it?

[Firefight911]

Jamie and I have our arms wrapped around you from California. God is with you and we are praying for peace in your difficult time.

[barryNmarin]

Francois, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you encounter an inevitable event in all our lives. Moms are such special people in our lives and regardless of age or infirmity they never lose their importance or their place in our hearts. She is as blest to have you as her son as your are to have her as your mother. A lifetime of unconditional love an unfaltering support is an amazing gift that is so difficult to release.

 

wishing you peace and comfort

Barry

[eddd]

I wish I had great words of wisdom to ease your pain, but I don't.

 

When my grandmother passed I found comfort by the knowledge that I did what I could when she was alive and aware of her surroundings. It sounds like you are doing all a son can do.

 

Watching the body fail is the most difficult, but be comforted that the soul of your loving mother will never wither, she will live on in your memory, and in you.

[Francois_Dumas]

I wished I could give mom as much support as you are giving us. I told her about our US motor friends, but it is a bit of a 'foreign concept' to her

 

No matter, Nina and I are very grateful for all the wise words, supportive texts and thoughts and above all the compassion from you, our motor family members. Anything that helps us is helping mom and dad too, directly ! Thank you!

 

We saw her twice today, she's not improving but neither getting worse yet, so another day saved. Nina is great too.. she managed to get her a single room and jumps on every doctor and nurse to make sure they treat her 'special' (those who know her know what to expect). And all the hospital staff are just great, no exceptions! I just wish I could get her to watch television or read something, anything to take her mind off herself and her problem, but she is not interested in anything. Incredible but true.

 

Also sobering is the fact that we can't help her anymore (nor less) than Nina's Mom 6 years ago. We felt so guilty back then because we live 2000 km away and couldn't get to her quick enough... she died when we were still 800 km away, close to Vienna, driving like mad.

 

In the end, it doesn't matter that much. Some things you can do, and some things you just can't.

 

Thanks again everybody, you are wonderful people, all of you, and I don't care what sort of bike you ride, if any

[Steve1962]

Francois ,

 

I can only echo the sentiments of many who have posted before me .

 

Thinking of you and your family in this difficult time .

 

Steve

[Francois_Dumas]

Thanks Steve !

 

Update: Mom was a bit better today, the extra fluid may have helped, and she's getting blood now too.

We'll see how she is tomorrow. All is not lost... !

[hANNAbONE]

fRANCOIS & nINA...

 

Know that Moose & I are praying for you and Mom. Hang in there and lean on us here as much as you want to...we are here for you.

Blessings & Prayers

[exwingnut]

Francois...

 

Please accept my sincere condolences, I just went throught this with my Dad this past March.

 

You are completely right in urging others to enjoy the time they have with their parents, it does not last forever.

 

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

[TyTass]

Francois,

 

Like everyone else here we too feel heartfelt sympathy for your struggle and wish all the best for you and your family.

[Francois_Dumas]

Many thanks to all of you for your kind words and compassion. It really means th world to me !

 

Mom asked to see the book I wrote about our trip to Florida. That's good.... when she displays some interest in the world around her again there is still hope !!

 

Will keep you posted! Now, if I only could sleep a bit....

 

 

[Bullett]

Francois,

 

I can't add to the words of wisdom you have already received. I've lost a lot of family over the past couple of years, and its all hard, whether it is illness and slow decline or sudden and unexpected.

 

I am sending you, Nina, your Mom and Dad all a big cyber-hug.

 

Sharon