Father Flaherty

[GelStra]

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

 

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

 

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

 

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

 

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

 

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.'

They then parted ways.

 

Some years later they met again.

The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?'

 

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'

The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!'

 

The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

 

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer bloody candle.

[Matts_12GS]

One Sunday morning in Dublin, Father Flaherty is recalling some rumors about his flock being superstitious. During the sermon, the father calls out, "Lads, lasses, I understand a good bit of ye are sooperstitious!. Now which of ye, if indeed any of ye believe in ghosts?"

 

About 90% of the congregants raised their hands

 

Shaken, but confident, the Padre moves on...

 

"Aye, tha's a goodly lot of ye.... Sooo, tell me, which of ye, if indeed, any of ye has actually ever SEEN a ghost?"

 

About half of the previous congregants raise their hands.

 

Concerned, the Father wades in deeper...

 

"Aye! Saints be, that's an awful lot 'o ye... So tell me know, which of ye, if indeed any of ye, has ever made LOVE to a ghost....?"

 

Silence falls as one older congregant in the front pew (Seamus O'Wurty I think....) slowly raises his hand. As the hand moves up, Father Flaherty's world slowly comes apart. Years of theology, divinity and education collapse into the either...

 

Furious at this failure of his life's work the good Father positively THUNDERS down at the lone congregant... "LAD, you mean to tell me, you've made love to a GHOST????!!!!???"

 

A bit puzzled the gent looks up at the father and says "GHOST? I thought ye said GOAT father....."

[RichEdwards]

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

 

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

 

The priest nearly had an accident.

 

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

 

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

 

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father , remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

 

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

 

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and

seek, further up, you will find glory.'

 

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

[exwingnut]

I thought ye said GOAT father....."

 

Taking the story across the line into Scotland...

 

What is the difference between between Paul Revere and the Raiders (or Mick Jagger, take your pick) and a Scotsman?

 

With the rockers you get "Hey you, get offa my cloud..."

 

With a Scot you get "Hey, McLeod, get offa me ewe..."

 

 

 

[Bullett]

I thought ye said GOAT father....."

 

Taking the story across the line into Scotland...

 

What is the difference between between Paul Revere and the Raiders (or Mick Jagger, take your pick) and a Scotsman?

 

With the rockers you get "Hey you, get offa my cloud..."

 

With a Scot you get "Hey, McLeod, get offa me ewe..."

 

 

 

 

Hey! We get the same thing in the USA in

 

Wyoming . . . where men are men and sheep are scared.

 

[Shaman97]

Hey! We get the same thing in the USA in

 

Wyoming . . . where men are men and sheep are scared.

 

Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: 'Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.'

 

His wife, lying in bed replies: 'I think you'll find that's not a pig, you idiot.'

 

Charlie says: 'I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you.'