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Wife Left Can't Ride


imeyers

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My wife of three years and I have separated. We are taking some time apart and hopefully we can work things out. I find that my mind is to pre-occupied to ride my R12RT. I feel like I can't concentrate the way I need to ride safely. So until this comes to an end one way or another this BMW Rider is out of commission. Everyone tells me to get out on the bike and clear my head, but I feal without a clear head, I am only asking for trouble.

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AdventurePoser

Not a long time ago, I went through a serious breakup with a girlfriend. Long story short, I was devastated beyond what I could say here. I did not ride my bike for a couple of months as I felt I could not fully concentrate on the task at hand, which was riding safely. Besides, the joy was gone.

 

Then sometime went by, and I got back on the bike, carefully at first. I discovered the bike and I were old friends who needed to rediscover each other slowly and carefully.

 

The woman I lost, but the love of biking remained. Take heart, go slow and do what is right for you. In the end, rediscover the joy that is riding either solo, or with your wife, or friends.

 

Good luck my friend.

 

Steve in So Cal

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Sorry to hear of your difficulties. The potential loss of a loved one IS VERY hard and you are wise to hold off on riding if you don't feel like you can do so safely. Take your time - the bike will be there when you are ready and may even help smooth your emotions a little. I do some of my best thinking on my RT.

 

I hope and your wife are able to reconcile things quickly.

 

Jay

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I had to give up riding for a year when one of my close friends died unexpectedly (brain aneurysm). Every time I tried to ride, my mind would go off in a million directions, not related to my friend, but I just couldn't concentrate. I learned not to ride when distracted, and not to poo-poo people suffering from stress related problems.

 

Eventually things will settle down and you'll be able to ride again.

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I wish you all the best and hope that things work out well for you. However, during this time you must focus on what is important to and for YOU as you will find that a whole YOU can deal with lifes travails a lot better thumbsup.gif

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I find motorcycling and flying positive activites when I am stressed or have a lot on my mind. The intense concentration required cleanses my mind of everything that is bothering me. I return from a ride or flight refreshed. Do what ever works for you to get your thoughts away from the separation.

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Sorry for your troubles.

Impairment is more than alcohol or drugs. You need to ride with a clear mind. 99% of riding is done in your brain. The other one percent is actually working the controls. Take it easy, clear your mind, then go for a ride. The longer-the better.

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My wife of three years and I have separated. We are taking some time apart and hopefully we can work things out. I find that my mind is to pre-occupied to ride my R12RT. I feel like I can't concentrate the way I need to ride safely. So until this comes to an end one way or another this BMW Rider is out of commission. Everyone tells me to get out on the bike and clear my head, but I feal without a clear head, I am only asking for trouble.

 

truly sorry for your pain, but i'm going to suggest you begin to move ahead (not onward as you may patch things up).

activity which is either physical, mental or both such as riding your moto will help. i'm willing to bet a little r&r will help you. go for it. concentrate. enjoy the scenery.

 

i'm not trying to make light of your situation, but while this is an emotional setback for you, it could be worse. at least you're still here with us and all your friends and family. good luck. grin.gif

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Sorry to hear of your troubles. Been there, along with many others here. Men are not billed as being sensitive, but it hurts. I remember how bummed out I was when my ex left. frown.gif I had trouble riding too. But once the 2 weeks of parting was over it was just like I never stopped. grin.gif Eventually found a better passenger. Hey, That's life I guess. Keep riding, change your view, engage life. thumbsup.gif JP

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I find motorcycling and flying positive activites when I am stressed or have a lot on my mind. The intense concentration required cleanses my mind of everything that is bothering me. I return from a ride or flight refreshed. Do what ever works for you to get your thoughts away from the separation.
See, my breakup was a large part of the reason I got IN to motorcycling. It all depends on what kind of personality (for lack of a better word... "brain" or "mind" sounds bad for some reason) you have. I'm of the type that HAS to focus on driving and now motorcycling to a greater degree.

 

This absolute focus is very refreshing to me. It allows me to take my mind off everything else because I'll die if I don't focus completely at the task at hand. So, it's very therapeautic to me - and driving always has been in that regard.

 

However, not everyone is like that. It's NOT good to be distracted while riding (obviously), so if that's the type of person you are, by all means, figure out what else you can do to get back to being "yourself".

 

It sucks, and I don't have any nuggets of wisdom to give you. I feel for you having to go through it, and I really do wish I could say something that would help... I was lucky in that I had a good friend to just listen to my rants and I will be forever grateful for that. Just do whatever it is that you need to do to recover.

 

Good luck, and I feel for you man.

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Lone_RT_rider

I personally feel that you have made a good descision for now. The only motorcycle road incident I have ever been involved in happened just after the girl I was seeing left the states for good. I dropped my pristine 1987 FZR1000 straight into a ditch at about 50 Mph. My head was'nt in it and I should have never been on that bike.

 

Good call friend....

 

Shawn

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Riding the bike is therapy, man. If you're preoccupied with riding it's most likely because that's a place you feel free, good, and alive - ie., NOT an activity to give up. Look into yourself why that might be and you'll probably find some answers as to why the relationship isn't working out.

 

When my ex and I seperated I bought the bike. I finally felt the freedom to do something I wanted rather than stand at attention like some kitchen appliance dedicated to making her happy (an impossible task). Long story short, things always work out for the different (it's what we do with the change that makes it good or bad).

 

I met a wonderful woman who likes me, not the me she wishes me to be. She loves to ride pillion and we have a great time being perfectly imperfect. Got married in February. Life is much different and much more enjoyable. AND, when I'm thinking about riding, she looks at me and says "Go for a ride, you must need to clear your head."

 

Good luck. Get on the bike and let it talk to you.

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I feel for you and your wife.

 

I've been through more romantic trauma than I should have - poor choices on both sides I think.

 

If you don't feel up to the concentration of riding - don't ride. I would suggest walking though or some other activity that requires moving but not too much thinking. You may find that after a bit your mind will start to organize things as you go. Sitting absolutely does not work. It just leads to depression and a horrible downward spiral of lethargy. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

God Bless,

 

2slo

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My ex wife had same effect on me for a while, she even made me sell the bike, get out there take your time and find a girl who is into bikes. mine is and we have been together 4 years this week and she paid for my current RT cool.gifcool.gifcool.gifcool.gif go enjoy

Darren

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  • 2 weeks later...
My wife of three years and I have separated. We are taking some time apart and hopefully we can work things out. I find that my mind is to pre-occupied to ride my R12RT. I feel like I can't concentrate the way I need to ride safely. So until this comes to an end one way or another this BMW Rider is out of commission. Everyone tells me to get out on the bike and clear my head, but I feal without a clear head, I am only asking for trouble.

 

If you want her back, I would lighten up. The worst thing you can go is bend over backwards and try to do anything to win her back. That will just drive her away. So, if you stop riding and spend your time moping and depressed, this will cause further damage to your relationship. Easier said than done. When my ex left, I tried many things to "win" her back. Those efforts ended when she signed the papers. After that, I went back to my normal self. I went out, had fun and got happy. Later, my ex asked if we could put it back together. That I had changed. I retrospect, I should not have turned all of my attention on her but instead, should have just spent the time to be happy on my own. She would have seen that and made her way back on her own. It's the psycology of women.

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sorry for the hijack

 

"she paid for my current RT , go enjoy"

 

Darren, Does she have a sister? grin.gif

 

(end of hijack)

 

 

Michael, I have to agree with you! The countless times I've heard of this and my situation was nearly the same.

 

A friend of mine is going thru it right now and ALL of his focus is on her. It does nothing but drive a wedge deeper between them.

 

My heart goes out to you my friend, I hope that you and her can work things out.

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