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Rinkydink

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2 hours ago, wbw6cos said:

I did not know that those stretch.  Interesting.   

Precisely why I use the same measuring tape for a job. 

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On 10/16/2020 at 1:59 PM, Rinkydink said:

Precisely why I use the same measuring tape for a job. 

 

Hmmm, we keep a steel tape in the living room, garage, downstairs garage, barn, pool shed and both trucks, along with in the three tool bags (I'm never far from a steel tape when home).  When I work, one steel tape stays with the saw/s and the other at the project location.  I've not run into any issues yet.

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8 hours ago, Red said:

 

Check them against what?  

Check them against each other to be sure they match at all distances. 

In the picture, the markings appear to be spaced equally, but the top tape was cut too short. You can get similar (but smaller) errors if the tip does not slide freely. 

I've also seen cheap tapes with markings that were incorrectly spaced, so the longer the distance measured, the greater the error.

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TOOLS 101.  Class is in session 


DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

 

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'

 

DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

 

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

 

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

 

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

 

VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

 

OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.. 

 

 TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

 

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

 

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

 

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

 

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

 

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

 

PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

 

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

 

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

 

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

 

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench".  Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers.  Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted knuckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

 

 SON OF A BITCH TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

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On 10/18/2020 at 7:43 AM, lkraus said:

Check them against each other to be sure they match at all distances. 

In the picture, the markings appear to be spaced equally, but the top tape was cut too short. You can get similar (but smaller) errors if the tip does not slide freely. 

I've also seen cheap tapes with markings that were incorrectly spaced, so the longer the distance measured, the greater the error.

If you have two tapes that are inaccurate, it hardly seems like a good idea to check one against the other.  I think a person needs a for-sure accurate measuring instrument to check any other measuring device against.  Kinda like checking your pocket watch against the atomic clock. 

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I have a friend who is a carpenter, he checks his tape against his coworkers' tapes each morning to make sure they at least match. When one is calling out measurements, and the other is cutting, it's important they match, even if both are wrong dimensionally, they match when measuring.

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Joe Frickin' Friday
12 hours ago, Rinkydink said:

TOOLS 101.  Class is in session 

 

 

I had the same list, but with these few extras:

 

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes
to the rear wheel. 

 

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

 

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

 

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

 

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

 

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

 

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

 

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth.  Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night.  Health
benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge.  More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

 

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.

 

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I think these tool lists originally came from a Peter Egan column in Road & Track.  Or else he plagiarized them and published them under his byline.

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On 10/20/2020 at 2:27 PM, Bill_Walker said:

I think these tool lists originally came from a Peter Egan column in Road & Track.  Or else he plagiarized them and published them under his byline.

I got it from a gear head friend of mine. I figured it had made the rounds.
 

Most of it true though. 

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