Facebook

[beemerman2k]

Why do people lose all common sense when on Facebook?! Folks just post all manner of their personal lives that do not belong on a public forum, but what's worse, they invite minor children to be among their friends so they can share in the filth they are spreading over the Internet.

 

I have relatives who, although they are adults, barely have the maturity of a 15 year old, who invite my 13 year old daughter to be on their "Friends" list, and then post all manner of trash! We are all adults here, yet the kind of material posted on some of these Facebook pages wouldn't even be acceptable on this forum! It seems like every 2 weeks I have to send out an email to someone and ask my daughter to befriend a relative because of their seemingly complete lack of judgment.

 

Anyhow, I guess I am just blowing off steam. I am bewildered over this lack of judgment I see exercised on these public social forums.

 

How would you suggest I handle this problem? How would you handle this?

[ericfoerster]

They are worthless to work with. Even as a law enforcement officer I get little help from them at all. Block it from your machine and hope they die a slow death.

Another example of America's freedom of speech. There is so much filth out there now it will never end. "It's our right" is getting old.

[Kathy R]

block them

[Twisties]

FB users can set up groups and limit their posts to those groups. For instance I might set up a relatives group, a BMWST friends group, and an old high school friends group. Then when I post I just select which of those groups see my post. As it happens I want the networking, and choose not to use the group feature.

 

So, probably it is a good thing for your kids to be friends with their adult relatives to stay in touch, but probably FB users posting adult material that also have child "friends" ought to be encouraged to set up an "adult" group to post such material to.

 

The kids will never have any idea they are missing something, no tears or fights over unfriending, etc. Not really asking the adults to change what they are saying, just adjust the audience when appropriate.

 

That said, I think most 13 year olds know what's what and have heard and seen most of what there is to hear and see. If yours has not, you might ask what she is doing on FB to begin with. In other words, an alternate, and surely safer pov is to assume that some inappropriate (in your judgment) material will appear from time to time, and that she is simply not ready for FB at this age.

 

You might also check to see what FB's parental policies and tools are.

[Twisties]

They are worthless to work with. Even as a law enforcement officer I get little help from them at all. Block it from your machine and hope they die a slow death.

Another example of America's freedom of speech. There is so much filth out there now it will never end. "It's our right" is getting old.

 

You should join us (the bmwster's) on FB Eric, to see how it can be. Very different than BMWST. Most of us like it and feel it is valuable. Evidently a lot of people agree as FB has more than doubled in the last year. Now over 300,000,000.

[ericfoerster]

No doubt it's popular. Our caseload from FB involved incidents has also exploded. You'd figure they would assist as well as they could, but they don't. Hard to deal with on my level.

 

I've never really felt the need to FB though lots of my officers do. Pretty sad to see what they post. I guess I am just old because I don't see the need for someone over 15 to post on there. Most of it looks like internet diarrhea to me.

 

I like the boards like this because if you screw up they pull the switch. At least here you can contact the mods.

[Selden]

I joined FB about 6 months ago only to keep in touch with my daughter (age 30). Having joined, I still find FB, next to Twitter, to be just about the most useless thing I have encountered on the net. I'm afraid I just don't get why so many people feel compelled to broadcast their lives to the world.

[Shaman97]

FB was a major reason my High School had a class reunion last year, and I've gotten in touch with old Navy friends as well as family members that had been 'lost' for a while.

 

That said, it's become more of a Twitter site for the 'I'm now walking out of the house' 'I am now getting into the car' than Twitter has. This aspect is a bit tiring, but I do like keeping in touch with the 'long lost'.

[Selden]

One high school reunion 30 years ago was enough for me.

[russell_bynum]

I joined FB about 6 months ago only to keep in touch with my daughter (age 30). Having joined, I still find FB, next to Twitter, to be just about the most useless thing I have encountered on the net. I'm afraid I just don't get why so many people feel compelled to broadcast their lives to the world.

 

First, you're not broadcasting to "the world", you're only broadcasting to people on your friends list. (or less, depending on how you've configured it).

 

Second, the idea is that, if you were able to be with these people in person, you'd be sharing the little mundane details like what you're doing for dinner that night, what you thought of the movie you just saw, and how your workout went. Since you're not able to be with all those people day in and day out, social networking sites like Facebook give you a way to share those mundane details.

 

I didn't "get it" at first. I think you need to reach a certain "critical mass" of friends. And once you get there and you start participating more, you see the benefit. I think it's great. I've been able to stay in touch with relatives across the country whom I would otherwise only see once every few years. I've reconnected with some High School friends, and as Jan said...quite a few BMWST folks.

 

There's also games you can play, if you're into that sort of thing. Lisa plays scrabble (or somesuch reasonable facsimile thereof) with her sister in San Jose, for example. I tried a few of those games and it just wasn't for me.

 

As for the content...I know what James is talking about. There are certainly some folks who don't seem to be able to filter things out and seem to think that we all want to know the gory details of their last sexual encounter, etc. I only had one "friend" like that, and it was someone from high school I didn't really know that well anyway, so I just unfriended them. There's also people who (IMO) go overboard and post every single little detail. "Standing in line at the bank" "almost to the front of the line" "finally at the front of the line...the teller is bitching at me for posting on Facebook when there's a line behind me." "walking back to my car" "sitting in the car looking for a good radio station" etc. It's fairly easy to deal with those folks either by un-friending them or putting them in a group that's way down on the list so you're less likely to see their posts. There are also some games that people play that post every little detail of what's going on in the game. "Dave just bought a new plow for his tractor in farmville" "Sally is feeding her fish in FishTown" etc. I've blocked all of that crap so I don't see it anymore.

 

 

 

As for Twitter, it took me much longer to see benefit there, but I'm getting there. Personally, I don't think it's very valuable for the average Joe. But, I'm following several Twitter users who are, for example, involved in motorcycle racing and it's been interesting getting the inside scoop on some issues. There are also several "average Joe" twitter users who routinely post really funny stuff and I enjoy following their stuff.

[Twisties]

As I think about it, the bottom line here is that the internet is simply not "safe" for kids whose parents feel that they should be raised w/o "trash".

 

On December 7, 2009 a Susan Powell went missing, and her husband had a rather incredulous story. There was a wet spot in the home that had been bleached. Ms. Powell had told friends that she was preparing for divorce. I think but am not sure that Ms. Powell had complained to those friends of physical abuse, etc.

 

In any event nearly everyone thinks Mr. Powell killed Ms. Powell and hid her body in the desert.

 

The local newspaper, the Salt Lake Tribune has a forum and people can comment on articles that appear in the on-line version. These threads, which might well be assigned civics reading for school children, are in general rife with the foulest material you can imagine, as well as a good deal of genuine intellectual discussion. I will spare you the vile details in most cases, but I wanted to mention that in the Powell case in particular the threads are vicious and contain lurid references to:

 

detailed, colorful, and graphic wishes for the prison rape of Mr. Powell,

 

open, gleaming, incitements to murder Mr. Powell, with information on his whereabouts and habits,

 

general bashing and disparagement of Mr. Powell, his friends, and his relatives,

 

and deeply harassing comments that are simply nasty.

 

We are talking about a newspaper here! And, there is so much more out there.

 

People say what they think. There are threads about every aspect of the social debate. It gets ugly. We are learning who we are in a way that we never could before, and that is worth a thread in itself. But in many cases we find that we are an ugly, ugly people.

 

I don't have kids. My parents were "permissive", and would likely have thought these exposures would have been good for me at that age (though perhaps not at age 7).

 

You clearly have a different set of values, which I respect. I think perhaps that you need to restrict your children's internet access to periods of 100% supervision, or not at all. Because the bottom line is that even with 100% supervision and frequenting only supposed "safe" sites, your kids will see shocking material on the internet.

 

FB is nothing unique, and in my experience rather tame compared to the newspaper, or Adv. Rider, or many other public venues. FB is merely a way for people to communicate with each other in a networking environment. FB allows the user to choose who to communicate with, and that is much more control than you get in a newspaper forum.

 

Best wishes with your dilemma.

[russell_bynum]

People say what they think. There are threads about every aspect of the social debate. It gets ugly. We are learning who we are in a way that we never could before, and that is worth a thread in itself. But in many cases we find that we are an ugly, ugly people.

 

That's an interesting topic, for sure. Lots of times, I've found that people are completely different online vs in person. The tough guy chewing everyone out is actually a geeky 19 year old working the drive-thru line at McDonalds, living with his parents, and completely shy in person.

 

We've seen some very interesting things here where folks who butt heads all the time and are really terrible to each other online totally change their tune after they've met the other person face to face.

 

But it is interesting...is that keyboard warrior stuff who they really are or what?

[Ron_B]

Ron is going to bed.

[SeanC]

Stay away from Facebook. Nuthin' but idiots hanging around there.

[FlyingFinn]

Ron is going to bed.

 

Mikko likes this.

[Francois_Dumas]

I don't know... I have very few relatives, the ones that I do have are not on Facebook, and if they were, they wouldn't post trash. I guess I am lucky.

[Matts_12GS]

Matt earned a 15 minute nap in workville

[Selden]

People say what they think. There are threads about every aspect of the social debate. It gets ugly. We are learning who we are in a way that we never could before, and that is worth a thread in itself. But in many cases we find that we are an ugly, ugly people.

This is the crux of the matter, and the net can be a mirror that allows us to see our warts more easily.

 

Jaron Lanier wrote a new book, You are Are Not a Gadget, that was released last month. For those unfamiliar with the name, Lanier is one of the internet pioneers, especially in the area of virtual reality. While I don't agree with his answers to the problems that he identifies, a large part of the book deals with the boorish way many people behave in this medium, and its effects on our culture as a whole.

 

People have been lamenting the coarsening of culture for centuries, if not millenia, but the net -- at least at this stage of its evolution -- seems to be taking bad behavior to a new level. In this aspect, Facebook is actually less bad than some other social media, in that it encourages individual identification, rather than anonymous or pseudonymous participation. Considering his role in virtual reality, I'm surprised that Lanier has so little to say about Second Life. For most people, face to face interactions provide a feedback loop that is missing or weakened in net culture. If someone says what he thinks in front of you, you can always ignore that person, and his remarks are limited to the place where they were said. On the net, they are often broadcast widely, and generate a screaming feedback loop like a microphone in front of a loudspeaker.

 

By nature (probably one of the reasons I became a librarian), I'm against banning things, but parents are abdicating their responsibility for their children if they exert no control over their internet or TV viewing habits. Beemerman2k's original post shows appropriate behavior by a parent; badly behaved people are always out there, it's a parent's responsibility to allow children to be children by exercising a prudent amount of shielding and protection from the world.

[lawnchairboy]

scratching my nose, laughing at Matt's post, going to chip the ice off the front steps...

[OoPEZoO]

i don't have time for this nonsense.......I have to get back to Mafia Wars

[Francois_Dumas]

Oh wait.. the crops on my Island Paradise are withering again....... I'll go back to riding when the snow disappears !

[beemerman2k]

Guys, I'm not sure some of you get my point:

 

Yes, of course the Internet is full of all manner of garbage. In fact, this is what makes Facebook so appealing to parents -- the type of content your child is exposed to is much less random and more highly controlled. And yes, of course my 13 year old daughter knows alot about life and some of its ugly sides. And no, I am not trying to create a "fantasy land" view of life for her.

 

The issue, once again, is this:

 

I have relatives who, although they are adults, barely have the maturity of a 15 year old, who invite my 13 year old daughter to be on their "Friends" list, and then post all manner of trash!

 

My first concern without coming out and saying it is why would an adult want my 13 year old daughter as a Facebook friend? That alone bothers me. I have many friends on Facebook, but the only minors on my list is my oldest daughter. I am not interested in adding your children to my Facebook friends list even though the content of my posts would be quite acceptable by virtually anyone's standards.

 

But the kicker is this: these very people who invite minor children to be their friends then go on and post content that is inappropriate for minor children! THAT is the issue! I am not seeking out adults to be my daughters friend on Facebook. My daughter is not asking to be on their friends list. She hangs out with her own 13 year old friends on Facebook, that's why she's there, not to hang out on some adults page. But why adults don't seem to "get it" is beyond me!

 

Who among us never saw a naked body? Anyone? No? Now, does that mean you find it perfectly appropriate to go to work without any clothes on?! Of course not, there's reality, and then there is social etiquette, there's manners, there's decency, there's proper behavior. Adults are perfectly free to discuss whatever it is we want to discuss on Facebook. 13 Year olds are perfectly free to discuss whatever they want on Facebook. But they should both do so SEPARATELY! I have a real problem when ADULTS invite minors to be their friends and then discuss ADULT topics! Why is that so difficult to understand? :confused:

[Mike]

People have been lamenting the coarsening of culture for centuries, if not millenia, but the net -- at least at this stage of its evolution -- seems to be taking bad behavior to a new level. In this aspect, Facebook is actually less bad than some other social media, in that it encourages individual identification, rather than anonymous or pseudonymous participation.

 

Interesting observations, Selden. I think you've hit the virtual nail on the head; when I read "comments" in response to on-line news articles, I am always amazed at how boorish people can be. The anonymity certainly has something to do with it--as you note, as the medium becomes less anonymous, the level of civility generally seems to rise.

 

I'm on Facebook, but I don't use it very often. I have "unfriended" a couple of folks over time because thhey were either too vulgar or too willing to share aspects of their lives in which I had no interest. It's not a very big part of my life.

 

That's not the case for everyone, though. Some of my FB friends apparently have an abundance of free time. They comment about everything and everybody. They apparently spend hours engaged in intellectual stimulation of games like "Farmville." And, they assume that everyone else must also spend every spare moment on FB.

 

My 23-year-old son and his friends use FB more than I do, and it has largely replaced email for them. Personally, I find it to be occasionally useful and/or entertaining, but I don't spend much time on it.

[Francois_Dumas]

It is not difficult to understand, I see your point. But you asked for a solution...... THAT is the difficult part about it.

 

Change or abandon your family (relatives) maybe ?? Lock the PC down, revoke your internet license?

 

If it were easy, it would mean there wouldn't be retarded adults in the world and we wouldn't have wars, no need for litigation in court, no crime, no drugs, no road rage, no guns, no child porn, and a few other no's.

 

Since that's not much of a reality, and won't be for the foreseeable future either, I think you'll remain frustrated for a while longer and it's up to you checking on what happens on your daughter's accounts.

[Ron_B]

Ron is up.

[Ron_B]

Ron is taking his medication.

[Ron_B]

Ron is eating an orange.

[beemerman2k]

Ron is killing me over here.

 

Ron, how about if you be my daughters Facebook friend? I guarantee you, she'll never log in again!

[beemerman2k]

...I think you'll remain frustrated for a while longer and it's up to you checking on what happens on your daughter's accounts.

 

Yes, you get it Francois. Unfortunately, I think what you suggest is the only solution. I am just incredulous as to how stupid adults can be, that's all. I don't understand the facination with adding minors to their friends list. It's as if they feel like "because I know you in real life, it would be rude for you not to be my friend in virtual life as well". People, Facebook friendship has nothing at all to do with real friendship! It's just a term for a social web forum, that's all.

 

I do not read my daughters posts; I have no interest in knowing what 13 year old girls are giggling about. But there are certain relatives that when I see them invite my daughter to be their friend, I know it's just a matter of time before they show thier true colors. I was hoping word would have gotten out to the rest of the famiy that you don't want to befriend James' daughter unless you're willing to clean up your language. I guess it hasn't...yet...

[russell_bynum]

My first concern without coming out and saying it is why would an adult want my 13 year old daughter as a Facebook friend? That alone bothers me. I have many friends on Facebook, but the only minors on my list is my oldest daughter. I am not interested in adding your children to my Facebook friends list even though the content of my posts would be quite acceptable by virtually anyone's standards.

 

They're relatives, right? Why _wouldn't_ they want your daugher (their cousin, niece, whatever) as their facebook friend?

 

But the kicker is this: these very people who invite minor children to be their friends then go on and post content that is inappropriate for minor children! THAT is the issue!

 

Have you talked to these folks about this? It seems to me that if you're not close enough with them to have that conversation, then your daughter should just un-friend them. Otherwise, talk to them about it. Maybe they just forgot who's on their friends list. Or maybe not.

 

[ericfoerster]

My hat is off to you for being a parent. These days that is rare.

Whatever the outcome you are doing the right thing and your daughter doesn't know how lucky she is to have a parent like you.

 

Refreshing to see someone take an active role their kids activites.

[Whip]

One of the best things about FB compared to a general forum, other than ours here, is that no one is anonymous. You use your real name and are held more accountable for what you say. ADVRIDER and AF1 are sometimes impossible to cut through the BS. The snipes from the peanut gallery........

 

To James's point. I made a mistake with a board member on FB. He posted a light jab at me on his page. I answered with "B#@w me".

He was visiting San Antone at the time, his young girls are his FB friends so they saw what I wrote on his FB page. He said they wanted to know what that meant??????

 

I still feel bad about it. So it's really hard to protect folks from your words on FB. I was not "friends" with his kids, but he is and they can see responses on his FB page.

 

For the record, I didn't think I would like FB. Killer talked me into it, cause he said he was gonna be spending a lot more time over there than here. Now I like it and use it several times a day.

I enjoy discussing politics with my friends and don't tell them, but I've actually learned a few things during those discussions that I would not have otherwise known.

 

 

 

 

 

[beemerman2k]

They're relatives, right? Why _wouldn't_ they want your daugher (their cousin, niece, whatever) as their facebook friend?

 

They wouldn't because the reason they are on Facebook is to engage in conversation with others about whatever topic comes up. Now, I do have adult relatives who have befriended my daughter and it's no problem; their content is very family oriented and it helps us all to know what the latest news is among the extended kin. Fine. But in general, even when we get together for various events, the adults congregate and discuss things with the adults and the kids clump into their respective genders and age groups to discuss matters of importance to them ("let's put a whoopie cushion on grandpa's chair" :smile:), but we all do this in separate groups.

 

Same thing with Facebook, I would think. Just because my niece is on Facebook, why would I want to befriend her -- unless there was something to be gained by the sharing of our content?

 

Have you talked to these folks about this? It seems to me that if you're not close enough with them to have that conversation, then your daughter should just un-friend them. Otherwise, talk to them about it. Maybe they just forgot who's on their friends list. Or maybe not.

 

Yes, indeed I have! I don't go looking for people to talk to about this, I wait until they join Facebook, invite my daughter to be their friend, and then show their true colors by saying inappropriate things. I just instituted a policy, though, that she is to deny friendship to anyone who is outside of her network of friends -- especially adults! Again, if she and her friends want to discuss whatever a 13 year old is interested in, fine! I have no desire to know about or to police that conversation. They can work it out; I trust them.

 

I would not invite anyone to be my friend unless I knew the content of my posts were such that we would both benefit from sharing such information. Facebook has nothing at all to do with actual Friendship, it's about sharing content, right? If I have a relative who HATES motorcycles, then even though I may be friends in real life with that person, we probably wouldn't make good Facebook friends, therefore I would not extend the invitation. Similarly, if I work with a person who is a KKK sympathiser, fine, we can enjoy a beer together and discuss Patriots football, but he probably wouldn't want me as his Facebook friend. To me, it's common sense to match your friends with your content and vice versa -- since that's what Facebook is all about, content, right?

[Joel]

For a reason I can't explain, it seems that, for a lot of people, the path from brain to keyboard has at least one less filter than the path from brain to mouth. It happens here, too, not just on Facebook: people type things that I can't believe they'd have the nerve to say out loud to the same audience. Perhaps something about this medium makes people less concerned about, or forget, the concept of who the audience is. I don't know what the remedy is, other than to try to point it out to the offender, tactfully, when it occurs.

 

My experience with this situation on Facebook has run mainly in the other direction. My wife and I have a family friend we've known since birth, who has referred to us as "uncle" and "aunt" even though we have no blood relation. Her father was in the Air Force, so it has been mainly from afar that we've watched her grow into a bright and beautiful young woman. She's now in college. We got to visit last summer, and when the subject of keeping in touch came up, a mention of Facebook naturally followed. It never occurred to me, until I actually witnessed it, that some of her postings on FB, and particularly her friends' comments, would be like a 21st century version of "Tales of Ribaldry." Since my wife logs on to my FB account from time to time, and is sensitive to content that is beyond PG-13, I ended up hiding this girl's posts as a defense. I'm not blaming this girl -- she's doing what her generation does. But as far as our relationship goes, reading about it was way TMI. Should she have to censor herself because I might be watching? Interesting dilemma.

[beemerman2k]

Whip, at least you didn't know those kids were there. The cases I'm talking about are when an adult actually invites kids to be their Facebook friends and then posts material such as what you did. That's why I am questioning their judgement.

 

I acutally composed a "friend-wide" post on Facebook about this issue about a month ago to inform people to exercise good judgement about what you post and to not invite minors to be friends unless you are prepared to constrain your content to material appropriate for minors. But then I hit the limit on the length of text Facebook pages have, so it never went out. I would like to do this, however, if I can figure out a way to do so.

[russell_bynum]

People, Facebook friendship has nothing at all to do with real friendship! It's just a term for a social web forum, that's all.

 

I don't understand that statement. My Facebook friends are all people I am friends with in real life (or was friends with but we lost track of each other.) That includes some current and past co-workers, high school and college friends, people from here, and quite a few relatives...with ages from the late 70's to the mid teens.

[VinnyR11]

My first concern without coming out and saying it is why would an adult want my 13 year old daughter as a Facebook friend? That alone bothers me. I have many friends on Facebook, but the only minors on my list is my oldest daughter. I am not interested in adding your children to my Facebook friends list even though the content of my posts would be quite acceptable by virtually anyone's standards.

 

They're relatives, right? Why _wouldn't_ they want your daugher (their cousin, niece, whatever) as their facebook friend?

 

But the kicker is this: these very people who invite minor children to be their friends then go on and post content that is inappropriate for minor children! THAT is the issue!

 

Have you talked to these folks about this? It seems to me that if you're not close enough with them to have that conversation, then your daughter should just un-friend them. Otherwise, talk to them about it. Maybe they just forgot who's on their friends list. Or maybe not.

 

Absolutely +1 on this. Maybe I'm being naive, but the above solution seems very obvious. Talk to your relatives. You implied that they are posting some seriously "adult" photo/posts, so they either forgot that your kids were friended, or they need an immediate phone call. Maybe both.

 

Forget the posts to BMWST. I'd be all over them today if it were my kids. I'm thinking they forgot that young kids were friended.

[Twisties]

Whip, at least you didn't know those kids were there. The cases I'm talking about are when an adult actually invites kids to be their Facebook friends and then posts material such as what you did. That's why I am questioning their judgement.

 

I acutally composed a "friend-wide" post on Facebook about this issue about a month ago to inform people to exercise good judgement about what you post and to not invite minors to be friends unless you are prepared to constrain your content to material appropriate for minors. But then I hit the limit on the length of text Facebook pages have, so it never went out. I would like to do this, however, if I can figure out a way to do so.

 

Use "Notes" for this purpose. Click on your profile and look at the line up top that starts with Wall. If Notes does not appear, click the + to add them. Go into Notes, and add a new note. Length is unlimited. You can include photos and other options. When you publish it, it will appear like a status update.

[Woodie]

Timely post! My 11-yo has been requesting FB access, and my wife finally signed up, after denegrating it for some time. She posts very little, and has really enjoyed finding old classmates, and friends she lost track of.

 

We'll see where it leads, and I'll watch for ideas.

 

[beemerman2k]

People, Facebook friendship has nothing at all to do with real friendship! It's just a term for a social web forum, that's all.

 

I don't understand that statement. My Facebook friends are all people I am friends with in real life (or was friends with but we lost track of each other.) That includes some current and past co-workers, high school and college friends, people from here, and quite a few relatives...with ages from the late 70's to the mid teens.

 

In real life, I have no friends who are more than, say, 10 years younger than I am. Certainly I have no teenaged friends. Why would I? We live in totally separate worlds!

[beemerman2k]

Use "Notes" for this purpose. Click on your profile and look at the line up top that starts with Wall. If Notes does not appear, click the + to add them. Go into Notes, and add a new note. Length is unlimited. You can include photos and other options. When you publish it, it will appear like a status update.

 

Brilliant! Thanks.

 

I really don't know Facebook at all well. I need to get one of those "Facebook for Dummies" books.

[beemerman2k]

My hat is off to you for being a parent. These days that is rare.

Whatever the outcome you are doing the right thing and your daughter doesn't know how lucky she is to have a parent like you.

 

Refreshing to see someone take an active role their kids activites.

 

 

Thank you. There probably need to be more parents out there who take such interest, but I don't think I'm all that unique. In fact, many parents probably would read what their teenaged daughter is posting on Facebook! I have no desire to do that.

[russell_bynum]

 

Same thing with Facebook, I would think. Just because my niece is on Facebook, why would I want to befriend her -- unless there was something to be gained by the sharing of our content?

 

Are you friends with your niece in real life, or just related to her? If the former, then why not add her on Facebook?

 

Facebook has nothing at all to do with actual Friendship, it's about sharing content, right?

 

Isn't that a big part of friendship, too? When I hang out with my friends in person, we're generally sharing details about what's going on in our lives.

 

 

If I have a relative who HATES motorcycles, then even though I may be friends in real life with that person, we probably wouldn't make good Facebook friends, therefore I would not extend the invitation.

 

I disagree with that. I've got plenty of friends who don't like motorcycles. I've got plenty of friends who are polar opposites from me on the political spectrum. Some lead a completely different life than me...a life which I have a hard time relating to. We're friends because somewhere there's a common bond. Maybe we're political opposites, but both love Italian motorcycles.

 

Everything I post isn't going to be beneficial to every one of my facebook friends, and vice-versa. So? That's no different than real-life friends.

 

It seems like you're using Facebook for a specific purpose. i.e. "This is where I go to talk about motorcycles." While that's certainly a fine way to use it, that's not the norm. For most people, it's about sharing the everyday (usually fairly mundane) bits of their life....which is pretty much the same as typical interactions between friends in real life. That's what Facebook is about.

 

 

[russell_bynum]

In real life, I have no friends who are more than, say, 10 years younger than I am. Certainly I have no teenaged friends. Why would I? We live in totally separate worlds!

 

I do. Yeah...I don't understand about 2/3 of what my Niece the high school freshman posts. But when she posted pics of her car...that's something I can relate to. When she broke her ankle...been there done that. When she took 3rd in the State cross country finals...well...I can't relate to that, being a certified couch potato, but I can certainly congratulate her for it. I've got friends who are much older as well.

 

I guess the difference is I'm friends with these folks in real life, too. Maybe not "Lets go hang out on Friday night", but certainly we're close enough that we can talk and have a good time when circumstances (Family, etc) bring us together.

[Ken H.]

I thought this article had a really interesting perspective about FB - The Red Tape Chronicles

[beemerman2k]

For most people, it's about sharing the everyday (usually fairly mundane) bits of their life....which is pretty much the same as typical interactions between friends in real life. That's what Facebook is about.

 

But that's just it, Russell.

 

Take my "family gatherings" analogy: when my extended kin get together for Thanksgiving or a Family Reunion, Uncle Charlie doesn't sit with the 13 year olds to discuss his problem with impudence! If he's going to share such information at all, he will do so discreetly among men his own age that he has deemed fit to discuss this with. And Aunt Betty isn't going to talk to the little boys in the family that she is frustrated because her son is coming out of the closet and declaring his homosexuality! No, if she's going to share that information at all it will be to mature, close, friends and family. Not to the general population of her friends. Uncle Charlie and Aunt Betty aren't betrying their friendship with my daughter because they didn't include her in on the conversation when they shared such details with other adults at the Thanksgiving dinner!

 

Yes, your point is exactly my point: I want people to behave on Facebook the way they would behave in real life! You wouldn't share these kind of intimate details of your life with the family in general, so don't invite my 13 year old daughter to be your Facebook friend unless you are going to constrain your conversation to what is appropriate for the general population of your friends and family to discuss! That's all I am saying and that's what I expect from people.

[russell_bynum]

Take my "family gatherings" analogy: when my extended kin get together for Thanksgiving or a Family Reunion, Uncle Charlie doesn't sit with the 13 year olds to discuss his problem with impudence! If he's going to share such information at all, he will do so discreetly among men his own age that he has deemed fit to discuss this with. And Aunt Betty isn't going to talk to the little boys in the family that she is frustrated because her son is coming out of the closet and declaring his homosexuality! No, if she's going to share that information at all it will be to mature, close, friends and family. Not to the general population of her friends.

 

But...do the 13 year-olds ever just sit around with the geezers just to talk about general stuff? They do at my family gatherings.

 

Uncle Charlie may be friends with your daughter and talk to her about how she's doing in school, sports, what she wants to do with her life, etc. It would not be appropriate to talk to her about his impotence. That isn't even specifically an age issue...or a gender issue. It's about appropriate topics of discussion given the audience.

 

 

 

Yes, your point is exactly my point: I want people to behave on Facebook the way they would behave in real life! You wouldn't share these kind of intimate details of your life with the family in general, so don't invite my 13 year old daughter to be your Facebook friend unless you are going to constrain your conversation to what is appropriate for the general population of your friends and family to discuss! That's all I am saying and that's what I expect from people.

 

I completely agree with that. I don't think it means there's anything wrong with Uncle Charlie having your 13 year-old daughter as a friend on Facebook, but he definitely needs to remember who's "in the room" when he posts stuff. If Facebook is where he goes to share every gory detail of his personal life, then he needs to limit his friends list to appropriate people.

[Lets_Play_Two]

sometimes the shoe is on the other foot. My 28 year old daughter (we communicate on facebook because she lives in London) regularly threatens to "defriend" me. Makes me think twice about posting those pictures of her at age 2 in the bathtub!!!

[Quinn]

I joined facebook to listen more than to talk. It was my way of keeping up with relatives and sharing in their triumphs. That said, I've got one sister-in-law that was posting TMI. The entry in a conversation with her friends about going to New Orleans and flashing her "bead magnets" was more than I needed to know. At the time she was unemployed and I wondered if any of her interviewers would check out her facebook account. She's now into more of a Twitter type posting on FB, telling about what she's fixing for supper and which restaurant she's eating at. It's a thinly veiled plug for her cooking blog. I just want to know how her son did in the Pinewood Derby and how they liked the snow. I think it's funny that both she and her husband comment on each other's status.

 

A lot of the messenges I see from people make little sense to me; sort of like hearing one sentence of a TV program and not knowing its context. Guess if they were really my friends, I'd understand more what they're talking about. I'm surprised at how mild the entries are on my college student nephew are. He's in college, in Baton Rouge, away from home---looks like he could be cutting loose a little more. Maybe he has an alter-ego page somewhere.

 

So, my point: I don't see what the deal is with facebook. Maybe I'm not using it like I should. I don't feel the need for a podium and don't want to re-connect on an ongoing basis with people I knew for three years in high school. An e-mail or two makes more sense to me than openning the flood gates for the rest of my life to them.

 

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[beemerman2k]

I thought this article had a really interesting perspective about FB - The Red Tape Chronicles

 

 

Ken, great article and it should be mandatory reading for all Facebook participants