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How about some proctology humor?


John Ranalletta

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John Ranalletta

True story. This morning, I accompanied my wife to the endo center for her routine colonoscopy. While waiting in a very busy lobby, one of the office personnel announced, without a hint of humor or sarcasm,

 

"The doctors are running a little behind."

 

 

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John Ranalletta
...but I'm sure they took care of everyone in the end......
The proctologist was a master of innuendo.

 

This was our first experience in the post op area of the endo center. Previously, we used the hospitals outpatient surgical center.

 

Standing in my wife's recovery cube amidst a dozen post op patients being encouraged to fart, I was reminded of

...or, was it an UnRally?
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After I was diagnosed with colon cancer, I had a bunch of my insides removed and, when visiting the specialist, I called myself "Mr Semi Colon" and, once I got the all clear from him, i then said that I was now, "The Perfect Asshole" :D

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True story. This morning, I accompanied my wife to the endo center for her routine colonoscopy. While waiting in a very busy lobby, one of the office personnel announced, without a hint of humor or sarcasm,

 

"The doctors are running a little behind."

 

 

Last year, I relented and had my first routine colonoscopy. Of course, you have to go in to visit the doctor first, so that when he screws up and punctures your colon he can point to the documentation that he told you all about that possibility.

 

When I pulled into the Midwest Endoscopy Center parking lot, I couldn't help but notice the sign that said

 

DELIVERIES IN THE REAR

 

 

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John Ranalletta
Last year, I relented and had my first routine colonoscopy. Of course, you have to go in to visit the doctor first, so that when he screws up and puncturs your colon he can point to the documentation that he told you all about that possibility.
We non lawyers get the short form. As I remember it reads, "If we screw up, tough."
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Dave McReynolds

"We praise the colorectal surgeon

Misunderstood and much maligned

Slaving away in the heart of darkness

Working where the sun don't shine

Respect the colorectal surgeon

It's a calling few would crave

Lift up your hands and join us

Let's all do the finger wave

 

When it comes to spreading joy

There are many techniques

Some spread joy to the world

And others just spread cheeks

Some may think the cardiologist

Is their best friend

But the colorectal surgeon knows...

He'll get you in the end!

 

Why be a colorectal surgeon?

It's one of those mysterious things.

Is it because in that profession

There are always openings?

 

When I first met a colorectal surgeon

He did not quite understand;

I said, "Hey nice to meet you

But do you mind? We don't shake hands."

 

He sailed right through medical school

Because he was a whiz

Oh but he never thought of psychology

Though he read passages.

A doctor he wanted to be

For golf he loved to play,

But this is not quite what he meant...

By eighteen holes a day!

 

Praise the colorectal surgeon

Misunderstood and much maligned

Slaving away in the heart of darkness

Working where the sun don't shine!"

 

-George Bowser and Ricky Blue

 

 

 

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Doc, while your in there look for my head.

My wife says in went in right after the wedding cake.

 

If my wife still read this board, I KNOW that would come back to haunt me some day. :grin:

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An unnamed physician claims that the following are

actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) before or

after their colonoscopies:

 

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

 

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

 

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

 

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

 

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

 

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

 

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

 

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

 

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

 

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

 

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

 

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

 

13. 'How far up did you go? I now have a sore throat.'

 

And the best one of all..

 

14. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

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Why do they call a proctologist a proctologist and an astronaut an astronaut....wouldn't it work better the other way around?

 

...something to do with black holes perhaps? ....spelunking comes to mind.....

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