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Bmweerman Week 3 Thursday


bmweerman

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I'm having a hard evening. Despite all the great things that are happening and the tremendous improvements, tears still come so easily. I almost lost him and I keep finding out how close he came to not surviving at all. If the Navajo couple who stopped to help hadn't come along soon enough; if the anesthiologist who was on duty that night hadn't been the one to start his airway, (he was the only one on staff who could have gotten the tubing down Cameron's throat, due to the soft tissue damage and size of his tonsils at the time); if the infections in his lungs hadn't responded as well as they did to treatment...so many close calls. Each one had to come through for him to survive. I know I shouldn't dwell on those things, but it really scares me. We just started, not even 2 years ago, and it was almost gone. The tension and anxiety from all this is still backed up in me. I've been letting it out, but I guess not enough. I started crying when I was finally able to rest my head on Cameron's shoulder yesterday for a while when we were watching TV. I miss him so much.

 

OK, about today. They removed his trach hardware, entirely, this morning. It sure is a large area that's open wound, but they say it will close up in a couple of days. (The human body is amazing.) Air still can come through it so he has to put his hand over the guaze covering to talk.

 

They moved him out of ICU this afternoon. He still is basically quarentined as before due to one of the bacteria in his lungs. So all who enter his room, muct be in a gown, mask and gloves-a major pain. He's doing a good job breathing on his own and working on clearing the gunk out of his lungs. He was laughing a little this evening at something we were watching.

 

He's off almost all IV's, except the antibiotics. He's still getting some oxygen, no more morphine, and all meds are in pill form. They also, put him on solid food.

 

Physical and/or occupational therapy, I can never tell who is who, or maybe both of them, were in today working on his muscle stiffness and having him do routine things like brushing his teeth and moving from the bed to a chair. They said they will work on dressing tomorrow so I got him some knit shorts to put on. With the impressive external fixture he has on his leg, jeans are out of the question. They also told him he could try taking a shower, going from wheel chair to shower seat and back again. He really liked that idea and informed the nurse in the new area he's in that he wished to take one tonight. When I left they were readying everything for it. It'll be quite a production, but it sure beats sponge baths.

 

The actual day he will be transported is still up in the air. They have an excellent level 1trauma orthopedic surgeon in Bakersfield that agreed to take his case and will receive him at KMC. Whether the operation will be done right away is uncertain because of the infection and apparently drs. have differing opinions as to what is the best time frame from the initial operation to perform this procedure. There also, may be a problem with the insurance. Something about either the dr. or hospital not being a Blue Cross (which we have) provider and all that sort of stuff. We've been assured that it will be straightened out, especially since this isn't exactly an elective surgery and it's medically necessary that he have that doctor. Why is everything so complicated?

 

So, he'll be in Bakersfield probably by Monday, if all the ducks are in a row at the appropriate time, etc. etc. Maybe even sooner, who knows? I'm not sure what my time frame will be. It'll at least be a couple of days for me to get there, it all depends on time of day he leaves and the bike and my stamina. He's made me promise to take it easy on the drive home. I don't really have any choice, I don't do well on little sleep and I don't have the adreneline pumping like I did when I came here. I'll space it into a 2-day trip without any problems.

 

I haven't heard anything back from our agent about the bike. Orchestrating that is a whole other story, that will unfold in its own time as well, I guess.

 

I'm feeling better now. Thanks for letting me vent a little and shed a few more tears. You have no idea how much having contact with all of you has meant to me through all this. It's given me that extra nudge when I needed it, allowed me to "talk" through things that swirled around in my head, and helped me feel less alone.

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Don't beat yourself up for reliving what you've been through. You've been great. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

It will be great to get him back in Bakersburg. Keep the faith, Patti.

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Firefight911
Don't beat yourself up for reliving what you've been through. You've been great. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

It will be great to get him back in Bakersburg. Keep the faith, Patti.

 

+1 to Paul's comments. This is part of healing. Don't fault yourself for the highs and lows. Take them in stride. The lows will become more and more distant as time goes by.

 

You've been awesome through this. You've done one of the greatest things for you that you could. You talked about it with friends. Us. All of us!

 

We will continue to be there for you and Cameron as time goes by.

 

When you two are settled and ready, there's gonna be a party in Bakersfield!!! I just know it! wave.gifwave.gifwave.gif

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RonStewart

Thank you for keeping us informed, Patti. You can see that there are a lot of us following Cam's progress without posting.

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Francois_Dumas

I am sure Cameron survives just as much because of you as because of the doctors ! You're doing a helluva job and hats off to you. Good to see things progressing!! thumbsup.gif

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Patti,

 

I know I have already said this in a couple of pm's. When you get into town, if there is anything I can do to help out, just call. I don't know who else has offered, that doesn't matter. Don't feel like you shouldn't, just make the call, 588-9193 will get me at home.

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Glad to hear he continues to progress and to read his posts. Its a very significant milestone when one can look outward again.

As for you, you ROCK!!! Its been an honor to get to know you thru your posts. clap.gif

Bill

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Patti-

 

You have been great through all of this. Don't beat yourself up for being tired, stressed and scared after all of this-it is amazing how well people can hold up during a crisis, only to have it all hit-hard-once the worst is past.

 

Meanwhile-double huzzahs for all the good news. Especially the shower. I can't tell you how much better you feel just really feeling clean for the first time in weeks-sponge baths are better than nothing, but it just isn't the same.

 

clap.gifclap.gif

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Thank you for your posts, it has been an awesome reminder that when we ride the things we risk are not ours alone but our loved ones as well. It should be an incentive for everyone out there to up their safety awareness to a higher level. I know it has mine. Thank you.

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I'm feeling better now. Thanks for letting me vent a little and shed a few more tears. You have no idea how much having contact with all of you has meant to me through all this. It's given me that extra nudge when I needed it, allowed me to "talk" through things that swirled around in my head, and helped me feel less alone.

 

+1 to what Paul said. Thanks for keeping us posted and we're here for you. You've got 14042 friends here, whether you knew it before or not.

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Patti,

 

That mental exhaustion and the tears are all normal. It may catch you unawares for days (or longer). As you said before, the adrenaline is no longer there. You needed it to survive the last few weeks, and now all those emotions are going to come crashing down at times. You've done an amazing thing. A big hug your way,

 

Sylva

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Patti,

 

I'll be nominating you for a medal! So pleased to hear Cam's amazing progress. I can't wait to see you guys; I'll watch the posts and come to KMC after you land and get settled.

 

As always, especially now as you get closer to home, let us know what we can do to help.

 

See you soon!

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Couchrocket

Patti,

 

I've been following this thread, w/o responding. Thinking of you both, and especially of you as you work through this time.

 

As soon as they initiate transport for him.... let the tears flow! Take a few hours for yourself before you do anything else. Your work "there" will be done, and you need to decompress a bit before moving to the next piece of the puzzle re the bike.

 

We're all so amazed and in admiration of how you've soldiered on through this toughest time. Thanks for sharing yourself with us. I think we've all learned and gained at least as much from you as you may have received comfort from sharing with us. Thank you.

 

Take your time going home. Once you're home it will be "another phase" with its own challenges -- so be good to yourself on the way home and take the opportunity to recharge your batteries a bit.

 

As an aside, I think you have terrific writing ability and should consider "keeping it up" in some way when this challenge has passed.

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TN_R11_Girl
Patti,

 

I've been following this thread, w/o responding. Thinking of you both, and especially of you as you work through this time.

 

As soon as they initiate transport for him.... let the tears flow! Take a few hours for yourself before you do anything else. Your work "there" will be done, and you need to decompress a bit before moving to the next piece of the puzzle re the bike.

 

We're all so amazed and in admiration of how you've soldiered on through this toughest time. Thanks for sharing yourself with us. I think we've all learned and gained at least as much from you as you may have received comfort from sharing with us. Thank you.

 

Take your time going home. Once you're home it will be "another phase" with its own challenges -- so be good to yourself on the way home and take the opportunity to recharge your batteries a bit.

 

As an aside, I think you have terrific writing ability and should consider "keeping it up" in some way when this challenge has passed.

 

Yeah!! What Couchrocket said! thumbsup.gif

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I'm having a hard evening. Despite all the great things that are happening and the tremendous improvements, tears still come so easily. I almost lost him and I keep finding out how close he came to not surviving at all. If the Navajo couple who stopped to help hadn't come along soon enough; if the anesthiologist who was on duty that night hadn't been the one to start his airway, (he was the only one on staff who could have gotten the tubing down Cameron's throat, due to the soft tissue damage and size of his tonsils at the time); if the infections in his lungs hadn't responded as well as they did to treatment...so many close calls. Each one had to come through for him to survive. I know I shouldn't dwell on those things, but it really scares me. We just started, not even 2 years ago, and it was almost gone. The tension and anxiety from all this is still backed up in me. I've been letting it out, but I guess not enough. I started crying when I was finally able to rest my head on Cameron's shoulder yesterday for a while when we were watching TV. I miss him so much.

 

It didn't play out that way.

 

In 87, I got pneumonia. It came very close to killing me but somehow I survived. I dated a woman who was the only known survivor one year of baterial menengitis. Everyone else perished. It is all a crap shoot.

 

A wise guy said, "Life is great, participate." Enjoy the time you have here and don't live your life in fear. Easier said than done but a worthy goal.

 

When my dad was dying of cancer, at the Hospice, I asked him if he feared death. He said, "I don't think about it." Great policy. One I hold near and dear. Life is so much better if you live it as if you are invincible.

 

M

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Solarguy01

It has been very moving reading your posts. I am sure you are worn out. You have done an excellent job in both helping Cam and taking on all this responsibility. Glad to hear things are improving and soon you can return home. looking forward to meeting both of you some day. Keep up the great writng an I hope each day is a little brighter for you and Cam. Mike clap.gifthumbsup.gif

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Dances_With_Wiener_Dogs
You have done an excellent job in both helping Cam and taking on all this responsibility. Glad to hear things are improving and soon you can return home. looking forward to meeting both of you some day.

Add a +1 for me too. This is indeed very good news Patti! smile.gif

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