So my wife is an ER nurse and . . . .

[Lineareagle]

Between my recent accident with broken Tib Fib, ruining our vacation and the outlook of three months of repair and rehab.

 

AND

 

Yesterday a 40 something showed up in the ER with a shattered collar bone and clavical.

 

AND

 

Yesterday a 28 year old showed up in ER DOA from T-boning a van while doing a wheelie in the downtown.

 

She doesn't even want me looking at bikes or talking bikes or . . .

 

well you get the point.

What's a guy have to do to turn THIS around?

 

[WURTY]

Get a new wife that is a bookeeper

[David]

Just give her time, to start. Take it as a sign she loves you, albeit in an ugly, controlling way.

[eddd]

Remind her of all the guys that come to the ER that she sees with stress related heart attacks and strokes. Then reminder her of how relaxing a ride on your bike can be.

[motorman587]

Does she allow you to still ride??? If she does I would just leave the topic. If she wants you to stop riding I would suggest signing up for some training and go, "Honey, I am getting more training or additional training etc......" Otherwise I think you are screwed.

[Stan Walker]

Have her make a list of all the different activities that led to a ER visit that she has seen. Promise to not do any of them.

 

I suspect that will include motorcycling, bicycling, skiing, roller blading, driving a car, going to work, fixing up a house, hiking, sex play, climbing a tree, cooking, falling out of bed, etc....

 

A neighbor of mine fell down a hill while on a picnic. Now he is in a wheelchair for life.

 

None of us get out a life alive. Some people don't even have much fun while they are here.

 

Stan

[doc47]

Just give her time, to start. Take it as a sign she loves you, albeit in an ugly, controlling way.

_____________________________________________________________

 

That's not ugly or controlling. It's love and reasonable concern.

 

It's hard to balance risk and benefit, especially when the risk is elective, not demanded by one's job. For someone who sees the results on a daily basis (like an ER nurse does) I can really sympathize with her. In the last year we've lost Mike Fajans and Gleno and all our hearts are still hurting. What we do IS dangerous. When we forget that we are toast.

 

The DOA she saw that day was the result of his doing something stupid and criminal. I'm glad he only killed himself and not anyone else. If he hadn't been killed he should have been jailed. I wonder how the driver of the vehicle he hit feels.

 

Seems like the two of you need to sit down and talk the whole thing out. The DOAs are few, thank God. Broken bones are frequent. They are also frequent if you were mountain biking, skiing, or, believe it or not, playing baseball (!), Fixing your roof, painting the house, etc., etc. Ask her how many broken bones she's seen from that. How many foot injuries from people slipping on wet grass while mowing the lawn? How many fingers lost from guys who were making something on the table saw? Point out to her that being cautious and wearing proper protective gear. Ask her if she wants you to stay in the house and take up crochet?

 

Risk vs. benefit.

[UberXY]

Date a stripper. Motorcycling won't see seem so bad then.

[kurt1305]

Ask her if she's giving up driving after all the car accident victims she's seen.

[timmr]

What's a guy have to do to turn THIS around?

 

When you've gotten well enough to ride, come home one day from work on your new bike. That'll settle it, don't you think?

It worked for me.

 

I'm also not married.

 

Seriously... Talk to her. If riding's in your blood, she'll know that. Get yourself healthy. Get back into an ERC classs to build up your confidence and reassure her that you're safe. Convince her that with the added power of a K bike you could somehow have avoided your accident! Maybe tell her that if you rode more off road, you'ld be safer. Surely she'ld let you have a GS, ya know, for safety.

 

[Dave_in_TX]

Between my recent accident with broken Tib Fib, ruining our vacation and the outlook of three months of repair and rehab.

 

AND

 

Yesterday a 40 something showed up in the ER with a shattered collar bone and clavical.

 

AND

 

Yesterday a 28 year old showed up in ER DOA from T-boning a van while doing a wheelie in the downtown.

 

She doesn't even want me looking at bikes or talking bikes or . . .

 

well you get the point.

What's a guy have to do to turn THIS around?

 

 

My wife is an ICU nurse. She knows that motircycling caries certain risks but that they aren't necessarily excessive. Years ago, I hit a skunk with the front wheel of my GL1200 that knocked the bike out from under me. I had a sprained ankle and some road rash. Within a few days either way of my accident, a friend shattered an ankle in a church picnic softball game, a co-worker suffered a compounf leg fracture whrn she tripped carrying a box into her new appartment, and another co-worked almost cut his big toe off in a lawnmower accident. I was the one involved in a "dangerous activity" and my injuries were less than their's.

[harleyjohn45]

if your wife is like mine and does not really care for motorcycles, then you may have a problem.

[roydog007]

Good luck.

 

My wife doesn't like motorcycles either. The problem is that's about the only thing I do that calms me down.

Perhaps it's the adrenilin junky in me. I've always done dangerous work, high rise Ironworker 20 years,

Elevator Constructor the past 6 years. The elevator work is easier on the body but doen't really pick up the

slack like the Ironwork did back in the day. I guess I could start playing the blues again, but it doesn't pay so well.

 

I think I read somewhere here it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

[harleyjohn45]

Good luck.

 

My wife doesn't like motorcycles either. The problem is that's about the only thing I do that calms me down.

Perhaps it's the adrenilin junky in me. I've always done dangerous work, high rise Ironworker 20 years,

Elevator Constructor the past 6 years. The elevator work is easier on the body but doen't really pick up the

slack like the Ironwork did back in the day. I guess I could start playing the blues again, but it doesn't pay so well.

 

I think I read somewhere here it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

 

does your wife ride with you as a passenger. mine does, but its not her favorite mode of transportation. we just rode up to dillsboro for the el paseo meet and we all had a great time, but she would have been happier in a car. i've been riding 57 years and married to this same woman for 48 of those years, she i guess she has adjusted. i just hope Lineareagle can solve the problem with the missus.

[Agent_Orange]

Nothing!

[doc47]

I'm curious: is she nervous about the hanggliding, powered flight, or scuba????

[chrisd]

Just give her time, to start. Take it as a sign she loves you, albeit in an ugly, controlling way.

 

Wow. That was uncalled for.

[David]

Just give her time, to start. Take it as a sign she loves you, albeit in an ugly, controlling way.

 

Wow. That was uncalled for.

 

Sigh. More information on the concept here and here.

[Lawman]

None of us get out a life alive. Some people don't even have much fun while they are here.

 

Stan

 

Amen Stan! That's good..My mother has spent 80 years taking her blood pressure, taking fists full of pills, and resting..She resents people who have fun and enjoy life and feels some sort of obligation to be miserable and make those around her miserable..I'm thankful for all the things I enjoy including the high risk activity of motorcycle riding. I will be reasonably careful but I refuse to just take my blood prssure and rest for the remainder of whatever time I have left.

[boatzo]

Get a new wife that is a bookeeper

 

 

Don't do that, it costs too much and you would never be able to afford a new bike !! Get her to cross train to be a book keeper.

[E30TECH]

Just give her time, to start. Take it as a sign she loves you, albeit in an ugly, controlling way.

 

Wow. That was uncalled for.

 

Sigh. More information on the concept here and here.

 

[motoguy128]

I'm getting married next week. My future wife loves riding on the back but she's not as hardcore as me. Our honeymoon is a 8 day trip in Colorado as a comprimise to her, we're towing the bike and only riding it half the time and doing tourist stuff, relaxing and shopping the other half.

 

There's no statistics for this, but I think if you eliminate wreckless riders, and those that are drunk or not wearing helmet or gear, the safety on a motorcycle is not all that much worse than a car. You have the advantage that you pay more attention while riding and can much more easily avoid an accident. Whne wearing a helmet and jacket and riding responsibly, you'd be pressed to find many fatal accidents. Riding is not as dangerous as it's made out to be.

[Lets_Play_Two]

My wife, may she rest in peace, made me sell my 1980 R100 when we got married. Ten years later she bought me a motorcycle. Sometimes you just have to wait. My girl friend has her own motorcycle (F650GS) and next month we are getting married under the statue of Harry Carey outside of Wrigley Field and then going to the ball game with 70 of our closest friends!!! Sometimes you just get lucky.

[UberXY]

My wife bought me a brand new 1986 BMW R65 for a wedding present. I still have the wife and the bike. Twenty one years later, both still look and perform like new.

[SageRider]

Your wife wears protective gloves, mask, and goggles at minimum when on the job to hopefully save her from potentially fatal infections / diseases.

You wear gloves, helmet, and other gear to hopefully save you from potentially fatal accidents.

A screw-up by either one of you can be fatal.

Are you asking your wife to give up nursing?

[Lineareagle]

I am replying to my own post because it would be tough to reply to all your input.

 

My wife and I, married 32 years, had a short talk this am about the bikes etc. Much of what was presented here formed part of the discourse.

 

Suffice to say she admitted that when her friends at work wanted to know if she would forbid me to ride she had to admit that she would never do that because we have never restricted each other in our search for a satisfying life.

After all she is off to Africa to visit our daughter working in the refuge camps of Tanzania in two weeks, our other daughter called from the research ship she works on as a diver in the Queen Charlotte Islands, our other daughter called after her return from Brazilia and she is off to Panama next week, and my son stopped by and confirmed he and his wife are going to trek Nepal, India, Tibet for six months end of July!

 

Perspective on the reality of our lives has won out, both of us need to pursue the challenges of life to the full and restricting either of us, or our family for that matter, is not part of our makeup.

 

So a new steed is in the works, although she says she will never ride a bike again a post script that I didn't even smile at was, except maybe a Vespa. Ah hah!

 

Vespa dealers - lets see.

[eddd]

Sounds like you got a keeper. She should be good for another 32!

[Hoover]

Glad you talked it out.

 

My brother-in-law is a surgeon and has spent his share of time in the ER. Everytime he sees me on the bike he reminds me and the wife of the dangers of "donor cycles". My wife's riding excitement decreases for a period of time everytime he speaks of his encounters with crashed bikers or ATVers in the ER. She was not all that supportive in the beginning but once she was behind the bars of a bike her attitude changed dramatically, now riding her own bike. My wife now has neck injuries that are preventing her from riding for a while(not motorcycle related). When I crashed the S a few weeks back, I figured that was going to be the end of her support of my motorcycling addiction.

 

To my suprise, she offered up her bike until the S is repaired. I asked her about it the other day, and much like your situation she explained she was of course not happy about the crash, but realizes that it happens and of course this is a dangerous sport. She has the confidence in me to know that I was not road racing with some of the young squids that seem so eager to become hood ornaments on the Colorado mountain roads.

 

Sometimes we (at least I do) under estimate the value our significant others place on our happiness. If your riding provides you the kind of joy that it brings me, then she will not stand in the way of it. Just my 2 cents, FWIW.

[roydog007]

Sounds like you got a keeper. She should be good for another 32!

 

+1

[gottabmw]

Glad you talked it out.

 

My brother-in-law is a surgeon and has spent his share of time in the ER. Everytime he sees me on the bike he reminds me and the wife of the dangers of "donor cycles".

Your brother-in-law is a jerk.

[Lineareagle]

My brother-in-law is a surgeon and has spent his share of time in the ER. Everytime he sees me on the bike he reminds me and the wife of the dangers of "donor cycles".

 

I don't have any problem with those who see the evidence of the dangers of the sport speaking out about it. Interesting that the ortho surgeon I had in Reno was exactly the opposite!

 

The day after my surgery he came into the room and I noticed a huge scab on his arm.

"Where did you get that?"

 

"Oh, I mountain bike, you should see my back!"

"The only way you can go faster is by crashing once in awhile."

 

I then recalled the other surgeon who had reconstructive surgery on his face from a cycle accident, half helmet.

 

So it gets down to what is your tolerance for risk?

 

My wife once said the EMT's were bemoaning seat belts because they don't see so many bad accidents anymore, 'Thank goodness for motorcycles.' One said and they both laughed.

 

ER humor!

 

And YES folks, she is a keeper.

 

And I'm still looking for a Vespa!

 

as well as . . . . .

[Pilgrim]

You may not be able to turn it around. In that case you have to decide how much riding is worth to you.

 

More important, I guess, is the freedom for you to make your own decision about whether or not you will ride. If matrimonial push came to shove, which would you choose: her, or the freedom to do something that's important to you?

 

That's not a silly question; there's more involved here than just riding or not riding. How much are you willing to sacrifice of yourself for her peace of mind? Her peace of mind is no small thing, of course, but should it take away from you something that contributes greatly to your peace of mind.

 

Give up riding, and there will always be a small, sharp pebble in your mental shoe. It will affect your outlook about her: what will it cost? It is of such things that wives become "the old lady" or "the ball and chain". And vice-versa, of course.

 

And if it ever comes down to "Choose me or the bike" (or the parachute, or the ropes and pitons), well, in my mind there's only one answer.

 

All that presumes that her future security is as assured as you can make it through insurance, etc.

 

 

Pilgrim

 

 

 

 

Between my recent accident with broken Tib Fib, ruining our vacation and the outlook of three months of repair and rehab.

 

AND

 

Yesterday a 40 something showed up in the ER with a shattered collar bone and clavical.

 

AND

 

Yesterday a 28 year old showed up in ER DOA from T-boning a van while doing a wheelie in the downtown.

 

She doesn't even want me looking at bikes or talking bikes or . . .

 

well you get the point.

What's a guy have to do to turn THIS around?

 

[Hoover]

and he is the only member of her family we actually like...

[St_Louis_Don]

Hey, I'm selling my Vespa!!!!

 

Now…she realizes the road isn't any softer just cause your coming off a Scooter. Right? And with a Scooter you don't have much in reserve to accelerate out of danger. So your only option is to stop or swerve.

 

Just double the value of your Life Insurance and get the new Beemer.

[Carnadero]

Glad you talked it out.

 

My brother-in-law is a surgeon and has spent his share of time in the ER. Everytime he sees me on the bike he reminds me and the wife of the dangers of "donor cycles".

Your brother-in-law is a jerk.

I can see listening to it once, twice maybe, but a third time would be grounds for a not-too-friendly reaction.

 

It's nice not having to deal with that sort of thing...

[DiggerJim]

My wife once said the EMT's were bemoaning seat belts because they don't see so many bad accidents anymore, 'Thank goodness for motorcycles.' One said and they both laughed.

Been there...made the same comment in fact My wife says EMTs just forget the rest of the world doesn't get the humor. To some extent she's right but really it's the way we deal with the stress of picking the bodies up. The "nice" thing about trauma is that we can do something about it...illness (especially chronic) is something we're basically only good for a cab ride. Those get depressing as we shuttle the same patients back & forth and it's just a question of when their last trip will be.

 

Jim

[Stir]

LOL. We have the same mom!!!!

 

 

Amen Stan! That's good..My mother has spent 80 years taking her blood pressure, taking fists full of pills, and resting..She resents people who have fun and enjoy life and feels some sort of obligation to be miserable and make those around her miserable..I'm thankful for all the things I enjoy including the high risk activity of motorcycle riding. I will be reasonably careful but I refuse to just take my blood prssure and rest for the remainder of whatever time I have left.

[Patallaire]

When a person has a hammer in their hand, the whole world is nails. It is the same of any profession, if you are a law enforcement person, you see bad guys, if you are a financial planner, you see financial shortcomings, if you are a management consultant you see screwed up companies, if you are a proctologist, never mind, you get the point. Perspective is gained from the constant.

Your wife has a genuine concern from her perspective. Telling her you have 5 million in Life Insurance isn't going to solve it, if you became an invalid. So, as Pilgrim suggested is this where you pick the battle lines, if so, are you prepared for the outcome, either way? By the way, my opinion, it seems like a silly battle line for a hobby, but macho is macho.

[zbassman]

Sounds like you have a great wife!

 

Mine is concerned about my being on a bike but she knows I love it and it makes me happy, happy, happy! So she deals with her fears and lets me ride.

 

She knows I ride as safely as I can, I practice, I wear the right gear, and take care of my bike. I do what I can to mitigate the risks. Hopefully that helps ease her worries.

[bimmers]

yday they had a news story on the need for a congressional hearing on under age driving (riding) on ATVs. Several under 16 year olds have died etc. I called it Darwin at work and irresponsible parents and my son next to me called for a hearing on swimming pools since so many kids drown each year..................

Dangerous to ride a bike, yes and one need to assume every other motorist being the idiots they are.

 

Safe rides for all

 

h

[wellcraft]

people come into the ER with those exact same injuries everyday from car accidents. people arrive at the ER DOA everyday from injuries sustained in car accidents. while it's true the risk of injury or death is greater if you have an accident on a bike you can't live your life afraid of what might happen. i say a prayer everytime i climb on my bike and i believe in keeping my life right with God.

[truckdogg4]

I know what some of you go through. My wife is a Medic and when I went down last Friday she gave me hell. First off, she can't stand the idea of me having a bike. So she seized the opportunity to give me grief after going down. But of course it went in one ear and out the other. As I have told her in the past. I was a firefighter and riding bikes before we met. So I will continue to do both.