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Most proficient motorcycling


beemerman2k

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beemerman2k

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DISCLAIMER:

THE TEXT BELOW IS PURELY [sICK] HUMOR. DO

NOT TAKE THIS MATERIAL AT ALL SERIOUSLY.

WHAT FOLLOWS ARE THE WORSE TIPS POSSIBLE

IN ALL OF MOTORCYCLING!

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I don't want anyone to think I'm being antisocial, but I'm about to tackle a rewrite of the book Proficient Motorcycling, and that's going to demand my full attention for a while.

 

pmdave

 

In a stunning move, an early draft of David Hough’s next book, “Most Proficient Motorcycling” was accidentally emailed to me by his editor. Dave's email address, pmDave@StuntRiderz.com is similar to my own, pmJames@StuntRiderz.com, so I can see how the mistake was made.

 

Anyhow, given that Mr. Hough has a large following on this web forum, I thought you might like a look at the material this next publication will cover.

 

Chapter 1: “Loud Pipes Save Lives”. The first thing I do when I buy a new BMW motorcycle is to tear off the mufflers. I don’t have to resort to any of those safe riding techniques like SIPDE or anything like that because most car drivers are scrambling to get away from the deafening noise emanating from my bike.

 

Chapter 2: “Life After 100”. Shockingly, there are government officials out there who would like to place limits on the top speed of motorcycles! Let’s show them how safe riding at 100+mph can be by setting a good example.

 

Chapter 3: “Group Life After 100”. Ever notice that the larger the group ride, the more likely we are to ride less than 100mph? This chapter looks to change this trend.

 

Chapter 4: “Safe Stunting”. Of the half a million miles or so I have accumulated as a motorcyclist, I’d say that about half of those miles were accumulated with 1 or both wheels OFF the ground. Here’s how to turn that old air-head BMW into a wheelie-meister – oh, and how to do so in a “safe” manner. And remember, you might be a “roughian”, but you ain’t no “Houghian” until you master the STUNTZ! dopeslap.gif

 

Chapter 5: “Crash Gear is for Crashers”. The latest fad with the self-help crowd says something like, “if you believe it, it will happen”. So every time I see riders wearing protective gear, I want to cry. Why can’t they all be like the positive thinking rider who wears his shorts, tee-shirt, and flip-flops while talking on the cell-phone?! All these sissies and their gear make me wanna quit motorcycling altogether.

 

I know this is a work in progress, so I'm sure there will be more chapters added to the book. Good to see Dave working so hard for our collective benefit, don't you think?

 

******************************************

******************************************

DISCLAIMER:

THE TEXT ABOVE IS PURELY [sICK] HUMOR. DO

NOT TAKE THIS MATERIAL AT ALL SERIOUSLY.

THEY ARE THE WORSE TIPS POSSIBLE

IN ALL OF MOTORCYCLING!

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beemerman2k

I felt compelled to place the disclaimers in there for 2 reasons:

 

1) I don't want some idiot to read it and get any ideas

 

2) I am "borrowing" David Hough's name and reputation (I'm sure he won't mind cool.gif), so I had to make it clear that this is just a joke.

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1) I don't want some idiot to read it and get any ideas

 

Too late, I read it already and I had ... well, I think I had an idea. As a matter of fact, after a little reflection writing this, I'm positive I had an idea! Now, what was it? crazy.gif

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"Chapter 1: “Loud Pipes Save Lives”."

 

I thought it was Loud Clutches that saved lives.

 

At least that's what I learned from a certain Ducati rider at RideSmart last weekend. lmao.giflmao.gif

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Wait. I'm confused. So are you actually saying it's not

good to ride over 100MPH?

 

We do in Germany all the time. Why not in North America? grin.gifthumbsup.gifgrin.gif

 

wink.gif

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beemerman2k
Wait. I'm confused. So are you actually saying it's not

good to ride over 100MPH?

 

We do in Germany all the time. Why not in North America? grin.gifthumbsup.gifgrin.gif

 

wink.gif

 

Because in North America, the average driver doesn't have a clue as to what they're doing. In fact, most of us drink coffee, talk on the cell phone, read the paper, listen to music, argue with spouses, argue with kids, shave, eat, and while we're at it and if we can spare the brain capacity -- drive dopeslap.gif

 

Operating a motor vehicle is not a valued art form here.

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Wait. I'm confused. So are you actually saying it's not

good to ride over 100MPH?

 

We do in Germany all the time. Why not in North America? grin.gifthumbsup.gifgrin.gif

 

wink.gif

 

Because in North America, the average driver doesn't have a clue as to what they're doing. In fact, most of us drink coffee, talk on the cell phone, read the paper, listen to music, argue with spouses, argue with kids, shave, eat, and while we're at it and if we can spare the brain capacity -- drive dopeslap.gif

 

Operating a motor vehicle is not a valued art form here.

 

All you have to do is watch the Allstate commercial on TV. I've seen all of the fore mentioned acts on the road, with the exception of the guy trying to change his pants while driving. eek.gif

 

But! I did get a nice glimpse of a blonde bombshell changing in the back seat of a large Mercedes once while riding in NYC once while crossing over the GW. grin.gif

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