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Synthetic oil

Tool Man

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I know that some of you may be considering the use of

synthetic oil in your bikes.


But you should beware of synthetic oil!


It can do terrible things to you and your bike. It

will not only leak out of your engine faster than you

can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter

to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your

lubrication system. It also will make every part of

your bike permanently slippery because of its linear

molecular chain dispersion action.


Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to

retract automatically, dropping your bike on the

ground! But that's not all... Synthetic oil will round

off your gears and spin your bearings. It

will also splatter onto your seat causing your

girlfriend to fall off in the apex of a turn and

she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats

your sight window and your timing window with a

whitish pro-emulsification additive that is both

non-removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will

completely leak out onto the ground overnight and your

dog will drink it and die.


Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your

battery leak. It will give you the desperate need to

urinate after you put your full leathers on and then

jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your

gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks

and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It

will make it rain during rallies and on weekends. It

will lubricate four timing belts causing them to

jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic

oil chemically weakens desmodromic valves and causes

the clearances to change every six miles. Then it

melts the black soles of your riding boots night

before you walk across your new carpeting.


While riding past groups of attractive women it will

cause both of your handlebar grips to slip off at the

same time so you smash your windscreen with the bridge

of your nose. It also causes your swingarm to crack,

your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then

it voids your warranty by changing your odometer

reading to 55,555. It also dries out your wetclutch

and wets your dryclutch. It makes your clutch slave

cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the

hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in

your helmet for good measure.


Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts

superglue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch

your faceshield and make your gloves shrink two sizes

night before trackday. Synthetic oil will steal your

neutral and sell it to the Chinese for £1.25.


So let's be careful out there!

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Recent study has determined that it's not the synthetic oil that's the problem.

It's the reaction between the synoil and the plastic containers.

This reaction occurs after 259 days in the plastic.

To prevent problems, please remove the synoil from plastic containers and store it in glass ones.

While Mason Jars may seem like a good option with the wide resealable mouth, they are clear glass and a poor choice.

Best results are obtained by using dark glass containers that can be sealed.

Finding them is not a problem for most BMW riders.


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Hey Tool man!

Haven't heard from you in a while

How's life in the mountains? wave.gif


Couldn't be better...HWY2 just a mile a way and countless dirt riding miles available. thumbsup.gif

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